The Immortal Blood #Wattys2016

Chapter Two

I don't know what came over me but I stupidly decided to keep a journal. I brought one from a small shop, heading out before I became too tempted. She looked nervous or sweaty; her heart was racing so I left, told her to keep the change as I took the journal and a pen.

I sat on a park bench, my bag preventing others from parking their backsides on the seat next to me as I leaned on my leg, on my dirty, ripped jeans:

'Journal Day One – V Week Three

Finally I see it, not the end of the light or an end to the pain but I see why those beasts go insane. It has to be the hunger; it must get too much for them to survive, for them to thrive. The thirst for blood springs into action, making me feel like a monster from Hell itself.

It doesn't matter what I pass, children, the elderly or even a god damn French Poodle, they are all tempting and each one of them brings me a step closer to the monster. Not the monster I want to kill but instead the monster within me, clawing my head. I feel it day or night whether there are people around or not.

What am I now? What have I become? Am I some mad man with an immortal's blood floating around in my veins? Yes, I have to be that. Hungry for blood, for anyone's blood, that's what I am. If a vampire walked past, I'd probably want to give their blood a try, anything to dull the pain and stop the clawing.

Sophie... five today, I woke up to say 'Happy Birthday', almost did until my memory reminded me... she's gone. She's gone and it's my fault. I failed to protect her, her and her mother and because of me, they are gone. I wish that monster could feel my pain, feel my hatred as it feels me up and chews me up.

Why did I have to love her? Why did Amanda have to love me? I am a monster, not a loveable thing, just a monster with no love or care in the world. Sickening, that is what I am, dead or on the verge. It is like I am on the edge; trying to fight back but my own thoughts escape me, demand blood.

What am I now if not dead inside? My own daughter, my own wife were murdered. I heard their blood-curdling screams, their cries for help but I was too weak... I still am too weak to fight them.

This hunger controls me, it devours anything good that I find. I know what I have to avoid, people and social situations. I live in small B&B, avoiding any human contact, fearing a knock on the door.

This is my life now. I avoid the humans, day in, day out. I sleep in my room until the sun sets and sleep before the sun rises. Every day there is the temptation I feel burning me, burning deep in my veins, I wake up to it. I have never greeted it as a friend nor shall I; I still have my mind, still clinging onto it.

Perhaps Sophie and Amanda are helping me, their loss keeping me sane or helping me to become insane. I'd do anything to stop the pain, anything to stop myself from going mad and yet I feel it, the hunger.

It comes and goes as it pleases, ruling the roost, no doubt. Where would I be without them? Nowhere but without me Amanda would still be alive, Sophie still alive. If I hadn't come home, if I hadn't been so arrogant, they would not have died, I would not have lost them to the very monsters I fought against.

Whether I want it or not, whether I choose to admit it or not, their blood is on my hands, staining it so deep, I cannot wash it away. Every time I wash my hands, I see their blood on them. Their lives were in my hands and I allowed them to be taken away because I was too weak. I let them die; I killed them because I let them die. I am a monster, not a man, just a monstrous creature that wants to feed off the humans.

I feel the pull of my hunger but I must... resist it.'

I closed it, slammed it shut as a couple of people looked over at me. I was probably just being paranoid but I left the area, hiding and looking out as I hoped they hadn't seen me, as I hoped I was safe and not in any real danger.

I thought I had gotten rid of every last vampire on London's streets but I must've been wrong, I didn't see the last one, the filthy beast that hid well, hid himself and two others from my sight. They came for me, for Sophie and Amanda... he took my life, the others took the lives of my family.

I slept for hours, the heat of my hunger literally boiling my veins. I tried taking a shower but it was as if the water burnt off instantly. I couldn't understand it, I couldn't understand how. The blood must have literally been boiling in my veins, ripping into me. I wanted the blood so desperately, I was damned by it. Was this to be my own bitter end? Was I to die, feeding off the innocent? Probably, I was probably going to be put down by a vampire, finally killed by one of them.

It wasn't going to end until I fed, I knew that but I hated every waking moment of it, every burning pain and every drop of blood that I smell even from a mile away. I hated it, I wanted it to end because I hated it so much but it didn't seem to want to end, it only wanted to make me suffer some more.