Mission 'Don't get killed'

Chapter 6

Chapter Six

Two days later, it's the day before my departure and I'm really tired. Matt didn't me allow to sleep this night, so he could break into my mindscape while I was not fully rested. Luckily, I managed to keep up my barriers but it was harder to focus and all the concentration in the world couldn't even help me to feel him trying to get into my mindscape. Later that morning I'm sitting in the infirmary, nursing a cup of coffee with Kelsey in my lap, she's brushing my hair again while Morgan is trying to get into the mindscapes of Sandra and Paul, who have vacant stares in their eyes. Kelsey is keeping up a constant flow of conversation and is telling me stories but I'm not really listening to what she's saying. Instead I'm looking at Morgan. In a strange way, it's comforting to see her at work.

In the evening another drug deal is happening. Matt doesn't allow me to come, instead he sends me off to bed. 'You need rest now.'

While I'm laying in my bed, I can hear the truck pulling into the garage and the muffled voices of Matt and the guys who want to buy the drugs. I stare at the ceiling, the late evening light that streams in through the wood that covers up the window creates just enough light to make out the paintings Sara has made over the years, mainly flowers and vines that decorate the entire room. With screeching tires the car pulls out again and I hear several pairs of feet coming up the stairs.

Sara is a great painter and if she had lived in the outside world, among normal people and without her mindscaping abilities, she could have gotten really far with her artistic skills. I know she feels stuck here, where she will have to live the same life for the rest of her life, just like the rest of us. Nobody will get to see her work and she won't be going to art school, even though that's one of her biggest dreams. That's another one of Sara's talents: she's good at dreaming. She talks about the outside world more than anyone, and much of her desires and dreams relate to it.

I usually consider this to be a talent, that you can imagine a life outside of this building, that you have hope for a future that is not here and still be safe. Because secretly everyone knows that as long as you're a mindscaper you're not safe outside and that you will not be able to last long outside unless you seclude yourself from society completely. But sometimes, I wish Sara would stop dreaming and just accept life in the community, dreaming your way out of it will only hurt your feelings in the end. She wouldn't be the first to experience that, but those who have preceeded her never got their happy endings.

The next day passes in a weird mix of chores, preparations and silent goodbyes. Nobody seems to notice anything is off, everyone is focussed on their own job and preparations for secret missions are nothing new. Suddenly, sooner than I would have liked, dusk is already falling. Tonight, I will be going outside and move over to Arlana's side. There's a knot in my stomach which only grows while the hours slowly pass by. It's almost impossible to eat and I only manage to swallow a few bites because of Rachel, who is pressing me to eat.

'You have to get as much food in your stomach while you still can.' She says. 'You'll need it.'

At eleven thirty it's time to go. I'm wearing some old, dirty clothes which are part of my act and that's about it. I walk next to Andy for now, but I know that there will be a point where he has to stop and I have to go on on my own, though I would rather not think about that now.

Too soon, Andy stops walking. 'I can't walk any further.' He says softly. 'I can already feel a few scouters, though they are still pretty far away.' He pulls me into a hug and I hug him back before he lets me go. 'Good luck.' He says and I can only nod in acknowledgement before I turn around and walk in the direction of the man I fear most.