Mission 'Don't get killed'

Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

For some reason, I manage to keep my voice steady, masking the fear that I feel when I see him again. My father. In the five years that I have been gone, he has aged visibly, looking a lot older than the man I left behind. He steps closer to me and I automatically inch back on the couch. There's a hard and distant expression on his face when he studies me. Suddenly, he speaks again.

'Everybody out.' He barks and everyone who's in the room almost runs to the door. We're left alone and it makes me even more nervous. There's a reason I left here. And that reason was my father.

'Where have you been?' He looks angrily at me and for a moment I'm afraid he's going to hit me in the face, it wouldn't be the first time, but he only curls his hands into fists at his side. 'Why are you back?' His face is full of anger and I know I have no other choice but to succeed.

'I don't remember a lot.' I lie. 'But I was taken by the night guard.' His eyes narrow, as if he doesn't believe me. 'I don't know what happened afterwards, only that I was suddenly on the streets last night. And then I was here.' Please believe me please believe me, I pray silently.

'So you're saying you were wiped by destoyers.' He sounds sceptically.

'I don't remember them doing it, but that's the only explanation.' I answer. My heart is beating so loud that I'm afraid he can hear it and take it as a sign of lying. I expect him to yell at me any time now but instead he's just silent, looking at me with narrowed eyes as if he's trying to decide whether to believe me or not.

'I always believed we had lost you.' The words don't contain any affection, they're businesslike, as if he's talking about some equipment instead of his own daughter. Not that I had expected any love from my father, we had never been a tight family.

'I hope they didn't do too much damage to your mindscaping abilities. Your absence has been a loss for this community.' This is the father that I know, not caring about the human but about the mindscaper and how they can contribute to his wealth.

'I want to know everything that has happened and I need to be sure that this is not some kind of trap.' His voice is businesslike and his expression is cold. 'Then we'll see whether you can stay here or not.' I know he only says this to convey his authority and to show who's in charge, because I also know that I'm too valuable for him to throw away.

'How did you get outside that late?' He continues. He seems to realise there are some holes in my story that the work of a destroyer cannot be blamed for. Luckily I have had some time to create a watertight story. Or at least I hope it's watertight. If I can remember the details correctly.

'That night when I disappeared I was feeling sick so I went to the kitchen to drink something.' I start. 'It didn't make me feel any better, so I figured I could quickly go outside to get some fresh air. But once I was outside, I heard voices, they were very loud. So I wanted to see who they were from and tell them to keep the volume down because of the night guard. It turned out to be a trap.' I say, hoping that my facial expression is convincing enough as well.

'So you're saying they got that close to the building?' He doesn't sound like he believes this, because his security used to be – and probably still is – very good.

'Not really. They were just at the corner of another block, I don't think they knew about our building being there. There were none of our scouters around.' I hope he didn't catch the difficulty I had with pronouncing the word 'ours'. 'I guess they were just at the other side of the building or something.' I know this is true, because this is basically the story about how I managed to get away, even though I didn't encouter Matt's scouters this close to the Arlana building. 'It was silent and there was quite some wind, so the voices sounded closerby then I thought. Once I realised that they weren't our men, it was already too late.' My father studies me, as if he's trying to tell from my face whether I'm lying or not.

'You know I'll want to see your mindscape.' He finally says. 'It's standard procedure.'

I debate whether I should play the daughter card and say something like 'but I'm your daughter, don't you trust me?' but one: it's not like our familyconnection has ever meant something to him in the past so I doubt it would work, two: he knows I never cared about our shared blood, so pretending to do so now would only raise suspicion and three: I just wouldn't be able to get the words out of my mouth. It feels as if those words would confirm some kind of tight bond between us, while the only thing I feel towards my father is hate. I've build up an icewall between him and me long ago. With bitterness I think about what happened in the past, why I couldn't stay here and I feel the anger rising again so I force myself to calm down and move past it for now. I'm not here for revenge. Revenge won't change anything and it won't help my friends. I'm not even sure whether I want revenge. Now, I need to focus on the task at hand because the moment of truth has arrived, which is ironic because it's more of a moment in which I have to come up with my best lies.

'Zoë?' My father asks, breaking my thoughts. 'Let your defense down.' It sounds more like an order than a request. I wait for a minute and his gaze seems to see right through me. Then I take a deep breath and close my eyes, knowing my father is already standing at the walls of my mindscape.

I stay focussed on my fake mindscape, filling it with fake thoughts, waiting with anxiety for my father to say something, to give me a sign on whether it worked or not. Back in the infirmary at home, I asked Ellen whether I could see Sandra or Paul's mindscape, so I could get an idea of what a mindscape touched by destroyers looked like, so I could reproduce one like it in my own head. It turned out to be one big mess, the memories weren't locked away but just floating around and current thoughts were filled with confusion. I also got some pictures from Matt that were taken during undercover missions that had taken place over the years. The pictures showed the government's federal prisons, both on the out- and the inside, so I could fake memories of an escape.

After the worst mindbreaking I've ever had to go through, my father finally retreats from my mindscape.

'It looks like you're telling the truth.' He says, sounding bored and just a little bit surprised, as if he had expected that he would have found out I had been lying.

'Of course.' I say, even though it doesn't speak for itself.

'I have to go now, but I'll get someone to escort you to your room.' He gets up from his place on the couch.

'I think I can find it myself.' I say shortly.

'I think it's best that you don't go wandering around on your own.' His tone is firm, it's clear that I better not disagree with him. I just give him a hard stare in response.

'You better learn to pay me some more respect, Zoë. You should be glad that I decided to let you in.' Before I can say anything else, he's already gone, closing the door behind him. I quickly get up, ignoring the dizzyness that washes over me, I'm not planning on waiting for someone to come and get me but before I even have a chance to take one step, someone already opens the door again. But this time, it's not some unknown guard. I let out a sound and practically jump into the woman's arms.

'Zoë!' She gasps. She hugs me back and then lets me go and takes a step back while holding my arms so she can have a good look at me. Then she shakes her head. 'Look at you.' She says. 'All grown up.' Her eyes fill with tears and she pulls me back for another hug. For a moment I'm unable to speak.

'I had to come and see for myself.' She says. 'I didn't believe it when I heard the rumors about you being back.'

'Well, here I am, Jenn.' For the first time that I'm here I feel somewhat at ease. Jenn is a reader and has been living here for as long as I can remember. She works in the kitchen and always tried to look our for me. She was one of the very few people of whom I regretted not being able to say goodbye to.

'I was so scared when I heard you had disappeared, I was convinced that I would never see you again! But something has brought you back to me and I'm eternally grateful.' She smiles and I feel tears in my eyes, just like the ones I see in Jenn's, not only because I'm moved by her words but also because of the guilt I feel for lying to her and the fact that I know I'll have to disappoint her again since I can't stay here forever.

'Come on.' Jenn says, and she grabs my hand. 'It's high time to get dinner ready. I'm cooking your favorite dish tonight.'