Thoughts not thought enough

She. [I]

A/N: This'll probably be in two parts. Oh and if you get confused, the bold is the present, the normal is the writing and the italics are flashbacks. Enjoy!xx (that's questionable)
_________

Its still hurting me. It's been months and months, and it still hurts, so much. I slowly put my head in my hands. I have to let it out somehow.
I look up, straight into the fireplace. I grip my pencil and smooth out the paper. I have to let it out somehow. So I write:

She loves the smell of the earth after rain. I never understood why, because I hated it. She would always run outside as soon as the first few drops came down from the sky, socks on and hair down. It doesn't matter how dirty her socks become, she had once told me, as long as she gets to feel the rain.

I glanced up to see a vague purple-coloured figure making a dash for the back door. I frowned, confused, but then I heard the soft pitter-patter of rain against the window. By the time I got up and went to the back yard, she was standing on the wet grass, eyes closed but looking up at the sky.
"Hayley?"
She looked at me and smiled. "Leslie".
"This is much better than a shower", she explained.
"Not if you get a cold, its not", I replied, slowly studying her from where I stood. She was soaked, hair stuck to her face in a way I know she hates, her socks drenched completely, and she looked so beautiful. And she had that twinkle in her eye, that which she got when she was standing in the rain or eating a brownie or watching X- Men. It meant that she was truly happy.
Hayley stuck her tongue out at me. "Lots of fun, that's what you are"
I looked at her eyes, full of something so good and so pure."I know."

She is the most independent person you'll ever know, but so insecure it still breaks my heart. She gets jealous, too. My God, she gets so jealous. Keep telling her that you love her, every day, and mean it each time. If you don't, let her go.

"Hales, please-"
I tried to grab her wrist, but she pulled her arm out of my grasp and continued running.
"Can you-"
She whipped around, her expression blazing. "Fuck off."
I was tired of this; we'd been arguing for 10 minutes already. I was trying to reason with her, but she was refusing to co-operate. I sprinted to her after her, but she slammed her bedroom door shut before I could reach.
I sighed heavily. Then I knocked on her door twice.
"Hayley?"
All I heard in response was silence.
I tried again.
"Will you please tell me what's bothering you?"
At that, the door flew open and I came face to face with my raging girlfriend, "If you can't figure it out on your own, don't bother asking me."
She stormed back inside, but left the door open. I narrowed my eyes, "Are you actually jealous right now?"
She laughed bitterly. "Well done."
"Okay, listen to me-"
" No, I won't! Amara was physically stuck to you! The whole night! Oh my God, you really are oblivious, aren't you?"
"Are you fucking kidding me? There was nothing going on!"
"Sure, and tell me how she wasn't two inches away from your face the whole time!"
"For fuck's sake, Hales!"
"Don't you 'Hales' me, Leslie!"
"Hayley! Will you please shut the fuck up? No, I didn't realize what Amara was doing, fine! Want to know why? Because I wasn't paying attention to Amara. I was paying attention to you. I always have been. I knew it was you I'd be taking home tonight, not her. "
She looked up at me as I made my way to the edge of her bed. I sat down next to her, reaching for her hand, "I don't care about Amara, okay? But I care about you, so much."
Her face almost immediately softened. The expression on her face broke my heart; I could see tears gathering in her eyes. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be. I love you, okay?"
She looked up at me then. Her eyes were filled with tears, and I realized how much it had hurt her. She shook her head and gave me a watery smile. She leaned her forehead against mine,
"Okay. And I love you."

Oh, and the cat will always come first. Don't even doubt it.

"Hayley, are you even listening?"
I looked at her. She was playing with her cat, a monster she calls Snow. That thing is the bane of my life, forever hissing and clawing and hating me in general. What she sees in that thing, I'll never know.
"Hayley!"
"Shh , I'm playing with Snow."
"Oh, so now I'm not good enough?", I replied playfully.
"Correct."
Letting out a fake gasp, I glared at the cat who was eyeballing me. Quietly I slipped out of the room and went downstairs to the living room. I flopped on the sofa, turning on the telly and muttering to myself, "Stupid cat."
Not five minutes later, I hear Hayley's voice.
"Les?"
Grinning, I yell back, "Yeah?"
She comes sprinting into the room, and stopped right in front of me. "What are you doing?"
Just to annoy her, I say, "Chilling".
"Why?"
I smirk. "Well you were playing with Snow."
"Oh". She sat down close to me. "I was gonna ask if you wanted to get pizza", she said, running a finger over my jaw and looking into my eyes, "But you seem... busy. "
Looking over I see a huge grin on her face. Sighing, I said, "You're evil."
Kissing my forehead, she said "I know."

_________