Thoughts not thought enough

Not now, Not ever

The lightning coming down like shards of glass
As I lay, shaking, hoping it'll pass
Loud claps of thunder coming from places unknown
Tell me that the oncoming storm won't be coming alone.
The windows quiver, shake in their frames
Threatening to crack, break, and to me, do the same.
I have walls around me, a house stronger than the storm,
But no amount of blankets can keep my heart warm.
I peer through the window, my heart in my mouth,
At first I am confused, but I remain crouched
Exactly where I am, and I study the world around;
Not a being in sight, not a noise to be heard
From here, it seems almost absurd.
The thunder has faded, the lightning has stopped
But I know better, the storm hasn't yet dropped
Its vicious onslaught, a hobby of sorts
It just needs time to rest itself,
Before it once again distorts
Everything it sees, there's hell to be sought.
And then suddenly, in a second's space
A lightning flash, a thunder bolt
It all comes down, leaving nothing to waste.
Twice as strong, it starts its revolt
Against the trees, the land, anything it'll touch,
Will get wiped away, broken, not one second in its clutch.

I look again, to the world outside, 
I am instantly amazed to find
That the ground is dry, trees upright
The world has been fast asleep, all through the night.
It hits me, then, there was no storm
No thunder, no lightning, no trees falling in swarms.
I find myself twisted in my sheets,
And I realize I never left the comfort of my bed.
I sigh to myself, like a record on repeat
Because the storm is a game, all up in my head.
The voice I live with make sure only I can hear
What it wants me to, it controls my fear
Its all in theater, thunder and creaking of trees
Whenever it wants, it brings me to my knees.

So I've lost the game, once again
But fear not, I tell myself;
I have hope I'll win one day
I'll banish the storm, the curse, the bane.
Until then, I can't stay away from the voice
Because I've come to like it, it gives me no choice.

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