The Beginning Of Thomas. The Ending Of Normality

The Beginning.

July 19th 2014

Hello there. How have you found me. I don't know how to start. I guess I start here.

Hello, my name is Thomas Fisher, I am 15 years old and live in London. I am the eldest of 2 children. I guess I enjoy the usual things to a 15 year old boy, sports, mates, isolation and the one girl that I cannot quite get to notice the real me. Who am I kidding you don't want to know that.

Actually. Why are you here?
where did you find me?
Who gave you this?
How did they get this?

I am asking questions that won't be answered to my self again through a book again. I am going insane, I am slowly losing my mind. I spend too much of my time in solidarity. No connections. Just wishing.... wishing that..... maybe this will stop one day.
But I am very doubtful because nothing ever stops, laws try to control society, formal control is simply a light punishment in modern history.
Nothing ever turns out the way I want, or the way that is beneficial for me, or at least has a positive. But that's my luck.

Sorry for side tracking. Get use to that.
I'm doing it again. Talking to a piece of paper as if you are a person hoping for a reply. Maybe because you're the only person that listens. Everyone that I try to talk to doesn't take it seriously or think I just want attention and to be the centre of attention. If anything I am far from. I dont want the attention I get.

Alot of people ask me what my ambitions are. And to be honest. It is to leave London. Too many people have witnessed things that should not have been in the first place. Some recognize me and move away deliberately and some still get shocked by what they see, even if it is the fifth time this month. Something you cannot change. And I am one of those things. I shouldn't have a label out above me of Thomas, Tom, Tommy or anything usual. I usually get refereed to as it, that or him. But I can agree with them. If you could see more than my writing you would be like one of them. Keeping your distance. Being cautious when you see me. Telling your children watch out for him.

There are very few people that actually socialise with me or want to be seen with me. But there are two people that actually like me. His name is Vince Jones. He is older than me by a year and a half so he never sees me in lessons but we sometimes hang out at break. There is also Alice Stevens she is the same age as me but the other side of the year.
And lastly there is "her". She's that girl I was on about earlier. She is gorgeous. But like always it's a girl that is out of my reach and I have little chance of getting with. But I still get the feelings everytime I see her. Neither Vince or Alice know the feelings I have for her and I intend to keep it that way for as long as possible. Ive never liked publicly saying things because it causes drama and disruption.

I never thought that I would resolve to this. Writing in a journal, diary thing. But its something that I can write for hours on end. Start till end. It' better than it being the "end" of me, or doing something i will regret and other will forever weep about. Best to worst. Day till night. And you will listen. At least I hope you do. That's what is making me do this. Whether you spectate in silence or are known by other. I know you're there. You are with me. Not to control or conform me into the thing we call modern day society and "the future".

I don't know how to end this really so I am going to end it with this.
Don't let a moment go by. Don't do what others want you to do, You are You! Don't waste your time. Mistakes are made to be made. Or are they.... At least that's what I thought.