The Beginning Of Thomas. The Ending Of Normality

Gone.

It is raining.
It is cold.
It is lonesome.

The rain feels like shrapnel hitting my heart. Waiting for me to die. For me to call it no more. For me to give up.

That's what everybody wants.
The sooner the better.
The sooner I am gone.
Gone for good.

It is raining harder now. Pelting against me. Puncturing my skin with each hit. Impaling my emotions. Again and again. Repeatedly taking hits and getting increasingly painful with each hit. 

I've had enough.
I want it all to end.
Right now I dont want it to hurt me anymore.
It has hurt me for too long.

I can hear footsteps running around my head.
I know its 'Him'. Waltzing about.
As if... He's looking for something. 

The rain is hitting again. Colliding with my skin leaving marks and scars to last forever. 

I can hear the voices mumbling in my head. They're telling me it will end soon. It will all stop. 

I can hear faint beeps tormenting me. getting closer and closer more and more inconsistent.

The pitch getting higher and higher until i cannot hear it anymore.
Is it gone?
Will it come back.

The voices are returning.
Returning to torment me.
Proving that I am going insane. Fueling my want to end it all in one swift move. 

With each hit it is making me weaker and weaker. Piercing my hand, arms and chest.
The pain growing and making me feel even more uncomfortable.
Again
Again.

I'm alone. It's cold. It's dark. I'm....

There isnt much to say.
That's just it.
There is nothing to do. Nothing is worth doing anymore. It all ends with the same outcome.
No achievement.
I'm just letting the puppet master have his fun, have his away.
Hopefully he will stop soon, sooner than later.
Make him stops before I end it. Before I have a say.
Before I... Go. 

I can't....

I can't just go.
I will just come back. He will bring me back. Back into this loop.
Loop of manipulation and control.
I don't get to choose anything anymore.
I cant do anything myself.
It has to be under his accord.

Everything is set out for me.
My actions, my reactions, my life.
I feel like i have no responsibilities.
I just have the ability to follow commands. 

Its just... 

Its not worth it. I dont want it to continue anymore. Ive had enough of him and his cruel way.

The piercing.
The pain.
The forceful action. The MUST! The expectation.
Nothing is worth it.

I've had enough. I just want to say 'thats it' and it to end. 

But I know it wont. Nothing's that simple for me. 

He doesn't listen to me just his mind. 

I shouldn't speak.
I shouldn't try.
I shouldn't attempt.
I shouldn't wish.
I should just do.

Continue to do and hopefully it will end.
Break the loop like a diamond beaded necklace.
A prized possession, left on the floor and under everything possible. 

End....

I wish I had ended it before i started. No one deserved this.
No one should.
Nor should I

I can heard the tapping of shoes and the endless beeping and the wittering in my head.

Back.
Back to torment me.
Back to mess with me.
Back to want me to end.
Back...

Back to end it.

The tapping of shoes is seemingly running...
Sprinting around.
Not knowing where to go again.
It has rested. 

What is it running from. Or is it running to something?
An exit. The end. 

Should I follow it. Maybe it will lead me somewhere too.
Lead me to the end. The end of.... this.

Wait.... 

What if it does. What if it is leading me away from this hell hole, away from Him and this delusional world. If it is a world. 

I want to follow him. Maybe this is a reality. 
It might. But it may not be. 

He might just be leading me to some other hell. 

it could be anoth... another me. In a hell and wants out. hes trying to find and exit, find the end like me. But he is actually trying. Attempting to leave. While I'm just... im just. Doing sod all. 

Im just waiting for the en.....

*Gasp*