The Beginning Of Thomas. The Ending Of Normality

Strings Attached.

August 5th 2015

I've done it again. It happened again. Everyone was just staring at me gorping. The walls were closing in. I was left helpless panting for what seemed to be my last breath. How do I stop it. Why cant I stop it.

Why are you still here? Honestly. What entices you? The pain. The horror.
I want it to end.

No one sees me normally. Whe... When I can't control it.
Then just watched like I'm an animal behind glass.

How do I make it stop.
It has too stop sometime soon.
Hasn't it?

No one knows me. No one wants to. Not even you. But you're still here. Why might I ask again? What are you gaining?
Please just go before you get yourself drawn into this and course problems than are avoidable and unnecessary.

Why am I asking questions?
You're a book. I established this. But I still do it. That's two things I can't control. Everything is spiralling.
I just want to stop *scribbles*

But I know I can.
But I can't.
But I don't.
Why don't I?

What satisfaction are you getting.

I'm still asking.

You're the only one that listens.
Why?

Everything was smooth just last week but things have just been scraped and engraved to make me trip and scuff things up. It's like a crack in the pavement, if I step on it something will go wrong. Maybe someone is watching me. Like a God figure but just toying with me. Maybe someone that hates me or just picked me for a joke.
What am I a puppet. And they are the puppet master.

I need to stop.
*Deep Breath*

Right.

Today. It was odd.
I went to form as the usual and registered. Wondered off to assembly and set in my designated seat next to that old bag of a "teacher". She looks like she should be in a home. I digress. The assembly was nothing special the typical expectations and requirements of the new year and endless complaining about uniform.
Then that is where it went hay-wire.

Everything went quiet and tunnel vision. Everyone started to look at me and ask if I was okay. I didn't think it was noticeable to the others. I fled from the hall and to the furthest restroom and splashed my face with a wall of water. I collected my self and tried to play everything cool in first period.

I walked into the class and was first to great Sir and take my seat. I sat in the far left seat in the corner. He asked if I was okay but I didn't answer. I assumed he already knew what happened in assembly, but he couldn't have.
A minor 5 minutes later the rest of the pupils began to enter the class. I lowered my back down the chair and my head in my book. I could feel everyone staring at me and whispering. Then she walked in. Surprisingly she didn't glare or make a comment she just walked in.

*under a bed of scribbles*
'She is the most amazing girl you can imagine.'

Sir came and handed me my sheet of paper and explained what I had to do. I stared at the sheet of paper and thought about the other possibilities this paper could be used for. Why couldn't the tree remain in the habitat it should be and not ripped and deprived of its norm.
The lesson came to a conclusion sooner than I expected and it began again.

I escaped the closing walls and ran outside. In the open air. But it continued to consume my mind and try to control my mentality.
The string pulling. Dragging me around like a used dog toy. Being manipulated and controlled to someone elses demise.
It's not as fun as it sounds.
It is very much the opposite.

I ran home quicker than I have ever before and I do it a lot. Once I got home it all took effect. I slammed the door, rattled the house and on the 'bang' it snapped.

The walls came in faster than they ever have. The ceiling caving in and the floor sinking. I couldn't move as if the puppet master had put down the strings.

They came closer and closer. My breathing pattern getting quicker and quicker. Panting. Gasping. Struggling. My mind playing tricks on my senses.
I can hear things that aren't there. I can hear unfamiliar voices calling my name and saying "her" name. Repeating it over and over again. Digging in my mind and causing pain and emotions.
GET OUT!

I need to end this before anyth......
Before the puppet master.......
Bye.