Alexandria And Ezekiel

Alexandria

Wake up, go to school, eat, sleep, repeat. These thoughts stay in my mind all day, every day. That is my life. Today was no gonna be no different. BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP! I reach for my alarm but cannot seem to find it. You have got to be kidding me. I sit up and finally find the alarm. It was on the side of my nightstand that is farthest from my bed! Note to self: put alarm closer to bed, I think as I walk into my bathroom. My bathroom is medium sized. When you walk in, you immediately see a marble counter with a big mirror above it and two cabinets beneath the bright, white sink with a silver faucet and handles. In the back left corner of the bathroom is a shower big enough for two with a sliding glass door. In the back right corner sits a medium sized bathtub. It was as white as the sink. Last, but not least, is the toilet. It's a slightly darker white than the tub and sits across from the sink. I cringe as I look into my mirror. I was wearing a slightly over sized t-shirt and no pants. The shirt looked huge on me. I had just turned 15 a few months ago yet I am only 4'11" and have a very small build for my age. My wavy, medium length Auburn hair was a big, fluffy mess. There was a thin layer of sweat and oil covering my face. My brown eyes were surrounded by eye crust and my vision was a little cloudy. I sighed loudly as I stared at every detail on my small, acne covered face. My slightly pointed nose, slightly puffy cheeks, sunken brown eyes, and thin lips. I hated all of it. At least my acne is getting better I thought as I looked down sadly. My dermatologist has finally put me on birth control in order to help my face. It was slowly but surely making me clearer. I closed my eyes as I felt a headache coming on. They always came the morning after I cried my eyes out. It felt like they got worse every time. This time I cried because yet another boyfriend left me for a much prettier girl. I covered my face with my hands as tears began to flow down my cheeks. "It's because of how you look. You're hideous! Always have been. Always will be. No one will ever stay with you. You're nothing!", I whispered to myself as silent tears flowed. My entire life I've been left or hurt by boyfriends and fake friends. I was also severely bullied since I'm not "normal" according to everyone. It always hurt. Luckily, little by little, the pain would become duller and duller. I knew eventually I would go numb and feel nothing. I didn't care though. Anything but the pain. But for now, I would have to use a different method. I wiped away my tears as I opened a drawer next to my sink. My hand glided over many things in the drawer but stopped when I felt cool metal graze my fingertips. I grabbed the metal object and pulled it out. It was a small, cold razor blade. I turned my arm so my forearm was visible. Slowly, I lowered the blade onto my arm and shivered slightly as the cool metal met flesh. I began lightly pressing it down and dragging the blade until a long line of blood was showing. I repeated this twice before cleaning off the blade and putting it away. I turned on the shower and wrapped my arm with some bandages as I waited for the water to warm up. I began to get undressed once the bleeding slowed. After adjusting the water, I jumped into the shower. My arm stung as soon as water hit it. I cringed slightly but started to ignore it. I began my morning routine of washing my hair, face, and then shaving. Afterwards, I got dressed, dried my hair, and put on some foundation. Then I threw on a jacket and ran out the door. Today, I wore a Bring Me the Horizon t-shirt and some super skinny jeans with pink converse and a choker. When I finally arrived at the school, no one else was there. I smiled slightly. Thank god I don't have to talk to anyone yet! The hallways were cold and lifeless as I walked towards the cafeteria. There were only 5 other people in the cafeteria with me. I always sat on the farthest side of the cafeteria at an empty table. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and took it out. I had a message from my best friend Zeke.
"Hey are you at the school?", he asked.
"Yes", I replied.
"Sweet. I'm almost there. See you in a bit! :)", he answered quickly. I smiled at my phone. He was my closest friend. I couldn't imagine life without him. I stopped smiling and looked down. That's why he can't know about my cutting. I kept staring at the table as I wondered what he would say. He'd call me a freak. Tell me I'm nothing. Just like everyone else. Tears began to fill my eyes until I felt a hand touch my shoulder. I quickly blinked them away as I looked up. Zeke was standing next to me with a smile on his cute face. He was about 5'7" and 130 pounds. He had a medium build. He had fluffy, medium length brown hair, a nose slightly bigger than mine but less pointed, slightly sunken cheeks, and a cute little smile. My favorite part about him were his eyes. They were a bright blue. Like a beautiful sky on a clear day. I looked at his outfit. A Bring Me the Horizon t-shirt, jeans, a thin jacket, and black converse. He looked sweaty. Like he had been running for miles. I stared at him for a couple minutes before he started snapping his fingers in my face. "Hello? Earth to Alex! Come in Alex!", he chuckled.
"Oh! Sorry! I guess I zoned out again....", I mumbled. I hated my name. My parents named me Alexandria after their favorite band, Asking Alexandria. People always teased me and bullied me about it. Yet another reason I was cutting. Zeke plopped down in the chair next to me and leaned closer to me.
"So what are you looking at?", he asked as he leaned closer to look at my phone. I shut off the screen and looked up at him.
"I was just reading the message you sent me. I zoned out while looking at it. I guess my screen never shut itself off.", I stated. Zeke looked at me with a confused look on his face. "Why are you looking at me with that look on your face?", I questioned.
"I'm just confused. You're wearing a jacket when it's almost 70 degrees outside and will be 80 later! Aren't you hot?", he asked worriedly. I looked down at myself. I forgot I slipped on a jacket before I left. It was a kinda thin but still pretty thick grey and pink one. It was getting pretty hot. I couldn't take it off though. If I did he would see the cuts on my arm. I put on a fake smile.
"No I feel fine! I get cold easily, remember? And besides, you're wearing one too!", I fake chuckled. I hated lying to him but I couldn't let him know this truth. He would hate me if he did. I love Zeke more than I should. I couldn't lose him. It would kill me. The look of confusion was quickly replaced once again with a smile.
"Oh yeah! I forgot. Okay. Well I hope you get warm soon. I really hope you take off that jacket soon....", he whispered the last part. I looked down and began to stare at the floor. I knew he would start to worry. I still can't show or tell him the truth though. I was way too afraid to do that. It was just too risky. I heard the 5 minute bell go off.
"There's the 5 minute bell. I better get going. I'll see you later Zeke!", I yelled as I got up and ran out of the cafeteria.