Love on the Brain [Quadrilogy to Me, You, & Henny]

LOTBC8.

Substance is a great song, probably my favorite at the moment. Listen to it in the mm please!

Christopher Brown.

A change is good, a change of scenery is good, a change for everyone is good every once in awhile. In fact, no change is toxic, seeming to be why I'm sitting here smoking this blunt I've had on me for awhile, the same reason why I was drinking and losing every sense of rehabilitation, jail, and even my life-- the mistakes I've made eat me alive every now and then, and sometimes I gotta relief the stress the best way I know. I don't have any other solutions when the girl I love isn't giving me the benefit of the doubt. Was I not so trust worthy because I was smoking in front of her, did she think I was serious about everything, I don't know.

We sat on the rooftop of a cafe out in the suburbs of Los Angeles, the sun was down, the starting to rise and it was dawning on six am. We had decided to talk in the morning and both catch some sleep instead of being slumped and moody at twelve am.

I placed the lighter between my fingers and flicked a flame to continue smoking, then letting it sit between my fingers, the smoke faded into the morning air, just as our love has done it seemed.

"How you been, and don't tell me you been fine without me. I know you are, but I don't like it that way." My words were rough and I felt so unstable sitting here, I was anxious, wanted to work everything out and needed unanswered answers, which I'm sure she needed also.

Levi sat stirring her coffee and poured in a couple extra creams. "I'm trying to make the best out of everything right now. How are you?"

"Dying, legitimately dying. And no this is not a pity party, I've thrown one years ago, so don't feel bad." I say truthfully.

She nods not being able to respond, she saw it was evident I as giving up and didn't want any further change, if I was dying, I may as well keep doing what I love and have been addicted to for years. Die happy, what's happy for me? Probably a bottle of Hennessy, a blunt, a new relationship with my daughter, and Levi-- this is what will ultimately keep me out of my depression.

"So why don't you stop smoking, or drinking, you're giving up on yourself."

"Who the hell cares Levi? Nobody, I never got a letter in jail, barely any phone calls, no visitors, and dammit nobody fucking came to see me on my birthday. I fucking hated my birthday this year." The aggression built up and I wanted to flip the table and say fuck it, but I have to work things out like an adult.

"We were busy in May. We came at the end of the month to check on you, and you were gone. I went by your parents place, and she didn't even tell me where you were." She replies.

"Levi, it has been months since I've seen you. You are the woman of my dreams-- we were supposed to get married baby, don't you remember?" by this time I was allowing my emotions to get the best of me, my heart was sinking with an anchor into my stomach, and my eyes swelled. "We were supposed to get married!" I croaked with a cracked and raspy voice, "we were supped to get married..." I echoed softly, she barely heard the last time I said it.