The Dysfunctional Affair

Danes and a Roommate

There are six dogs in my house, six large dogs.  Great Danes are wonderful pets; they are affectionate, loving, protective, and loyal.  There is really only one problem with them, they are inside dogs.  Now a small dog makes a great indoor dog.  However, a dog that stands over 36 inches from the floor is not the ideal candidate for the house.  I have no idea why they were bred to be inside dogs, but they were.  I absently petted the one closest to me.  They would stay like this until I got up or until something caught their attention and they had to investigate.  I figured as soon as Zeke started down the stairs, they'd be out of the room like lightning.  This was one of the advantages of a big dog, if they were smart, they could figure out how to open doors.  Especially since I had put in handle door knobs instead of round ones.  I only had two that had learned how, but those two were able to let the others out. 

The shower turned off and the dogs lifted their heads from the bed, listening to Zeke as he moved around in the bathroom.  I waited quietly; the mad dash would begin any moment.  They would fly off the bed, Loki or Set would open the door and then they'd scramble down the stairs.  At least one would trip and slide to the bottom.  I would wait until they were completely downstairs before attempting to get up and moving.  It was much less dangerous.

I heard the bathroom door open and close, then the spare room door closed.  Instantly, the dogs were off the bed and running for the door.  By the time all six were assembled, Loki had gone to work.  The door latch clicked, then it was pushed open as the dogs headed out.  I heard their paws thud against the floor as they ran for the stairs.  It was the sound of distant thunder, one that I was used to hearing.  The boom intensified as they reached the stairs, still running at full speed.  Then the yelp as one lost its footing and went crashing to the bottom.  So far, only Set had suffered an injury from this falling spectacle.  Then I heard Zeke yell as they crashed into him, happy and excited at the prospect of getting his attention.  I stood up and dressed.  Unlike the Danes, I calmly walked down the stairs.

"Holy crap," Zeke gave a small shriek.  He grabbed the nearest dog, Enki, trying to hide behind him.  I stared at him for a moment.  Anubis and Loki were playing tug of war with a towel. 

"Are you naked?"  I asked.

"I had a towel," he looked at the dogs.  "I usually shower, get a cup of coffee and then get dressed."

"How'd that work for you?"  I asked, walking over to my biggest Dane and grabbed the towel from Anubis.  It was covered in dog slobber.  "You'll probably need another shower if you use this."  I handed it to him over the back of Enki.

"Wow, that's nasty," Zeke looked torn between wrapping up in it or wrapping up with Enki. 

I turned my back, trying not to laugh.  I heard his feet move up the stairs.  The dogs moved with him.  He shouted at them to let go of his towel three more times as I sat down at the kitchen bar counter.  A minute or so later, the group came back down the stairs.  Zeke landed at the bottom first, splayed out like a murder victim.  Marduk landed on top of him, his breath wheezed out dramatically.  Suddenly the others were there too.  They all piled on, licking and sniffing my new roommate.

I smiled at Zeke as he tried to pull himself from the mob.  For my five foot two inch frame, the struggle was a long grueling battle that took ages.  Zeke was not faring any better.  I walked into the kitchen and got down a bowl.  I was a cereal kind of gal.  I had eight different kinds, I had very little of anything else in the cupboards.  I poured some Crispix and added milk.  I topped it off with a nice glass of OJ.  I knew how to make a wonderful breakfast; juice and cereal was perfect.  As I sat down, Zeke joined me at the table. 

He looked at me and I smiled back at him.  His face was red from the drool bath he'd just received.  He grabbed a handful of napkins and started wiping his face.  "Did you start coffee?"  He asked sounding grumpy.