Umbrella | Xu MingHao

vi. bitter truth

Today I saw you again,
I wanted to cry.
You reminded me of an angel
that I couldn't touch.

Your skin was so pale,
but your eyes were so dark.
you've been working so hard
I really hoped someone can see that.

You couldn't see me,
because I hid.
It made me giggle,
how the story repeated itself.

It reminded me of school
that we both attended.
And such short moments
when I would see you.

Those split seconds
went by so fast,
but they were forever
carved in my heart.

I still analysed
your sculptured face.
The emotion you put on
told me something has changed.

Not only your looks
I could barely recognise
But something inside
was making you shine.

It clicked in my mind
that now you're a star
It took my breath away
How well if fitted you all the way.

I knew from the start
that you will be great
and all these years
I believed in you babe.

But now to actually see you,
and feel the aura
it was so different
from what I imagined.

You were bigger and greater,
something near god.
My praises put you up
and you wouldn't go down.

I don't know if you felt
how my stare followed your walk
when you disappeared
I needed to bear what I got.

To bear all the feeling
bottled up inside.
Then I decided
to actually let them out.

I ran around
craving for freedom.
But all I received was
cold treatment.

I ran upstairs,
I tripped and I fell,
oh god how embarrassing
I blushed so hard.

I almost gasped as some hand
appeared in front of my face
and a boy with concern
helped me get up from the way.

He smiled so sweetly,
like I never seen before
but he reminded me so badly
of how you made me feel.

He asked me kindly,
if I didn't need anything
and suddenly I told him so much
I wanted to scream.

He grabbed my hand
and helped me way up.
We ran to the roof
and went on it then.

The breathtaking view
opened up in front of my eyes
I just gazed everything
with fascinated heart.

He asked me a lot, where I came from
and what I have done,
it was basic at first,
but when I got to see the other side.

He asked about my dreams
and what I wanted to achieve.
His eyes sucked me right in
and I gave in.

I told him so much,
I couldn't help it.
He was too good of the listener
To sew my lips and just shut it.

He smiled and nodded,
he revealed his thoughts
and I got to learn the name
of this handsome boy.

They called him JunHui.
I smiled right back.
Now when I knew his name
I felt even closer to this person I met.

Little by little,
we talked even more,
and after an hour
I forgot I was sad.

After some time,
we needed no words
we just stared at the view of the city
and enjoyed what we got.

From time to time,
we would giggle then laugh.
He let me forget
why I wanted to cry.

My heart beated hard
My mind filled up with the thoughts
My fingers wanted to write
a new song.

I grabbed his hand
and looked up into his eyes
he waited for me to speak
but I forgot how to do that.

I'm not sure what it was
and what struck me like that
I couldn't speak a word
I just held his hand.

Slowly and gently,
he stroke my arm.
Bit by bit I woke up
from zoning out.

My lips dried out
my throat got sore
there was only one person
that made me look for the words.

It was you, only you
that made me stutter
and my heart flutter,
my mind suffer.

It was you and just you,
always you until now.
Now I had learnt the power
of help.

Maybe I've never
had noticed him here,
but the fact that he cared
made me think again.

This little gesture
of helping hand
had put a thought
in my head.

So strange and irrelevant,
it came out of nowhere,
but this boy made me feel
like I had a purpose.

Before I felt like
a doll on strings
Attached to threads
And moved by a puppeteer.

However now I
could do anything.
Or at least I felt like
I controlled everything.

Perhaps he saw it in my eyes,
or read it from my smile.
He didn't ask to explain,
I was happy again.

He glanced at the clock,
this talk was quite long
I could see him frown
It was time to go.

We quickly got up
But no one wanted to leave.
It was too good of the break
To come back to routine.

I snorted to myself,
such a pity I was.
Just a day at work
and I felt all bored.

I needed an adventure
that I came here for
And I kind of knew
This boy was the one.

The one to light up
my heart on fire
and wake up an excitement
that I had buried.

I bounced all thrilled
looking forwards my work.
I wanted to write
a better song.

I asked him at instant
If we'll meet again
And without a doubt
He said yes, one day.

We stood so close,
even though I felt so small.
I looked like a kid
next to my giant bro.

Just one step closer
and I could rest my heart on his chest
Where his heart beat to
the rhythm at its best.

And then I heard it,
I didn't see, but I knew.
The moment was over
you came here too.

My name echoed through your lips,
I turned around just to see,
to feast my eyes
on you standing in shock.

I could see it in your eyes:
how much you cared.
a lonely tear streamed down your face.
Now you know how it felt.