"Babe open the door please" Calum pleaded. "Hum- sorry I didn't mean to call you that" He stuttered
I didn't answer. I rolled my eyes at his words. I was to weak to even talk so I stood up and slowly opened the door and there Calum stood. His eyes low and red but I didn't care. I didn't care if he was hurt or felt bad. I hated him and that's how it's going to stay for now.
"I'm sorry, I don't want to leave bu-"
"Stop please stop! I can't hear that word" I shut my eyes. 'Leave'. Oh how that word hurts me.
"You can't stay in there all night." He tried to convince me but I stay quiet. "I'm sorry."
I finally decided to open the door because I knew he would be out there for a long as I'm in here. But I regretted it once his mouth opened to talk again.
"You can't keep running away. I don't want to leave but I stuck between my career and you and I don't need this right now. I would like to just spend the last few days with you so I could leave on good terms." He sat down on my bed and I wished he would just leave me alone. Forever.
But maybe he's right. I don't want him to leave on tour and be gone for almost a year and us not talk. That would kill me mentally.
"I just don't want to be alone for almost a year. I need you around." I sobbed
"I know. This is hard for me too. But not talking to each other and being mad at each other won't help either." He pulled me onto his laps. I'm going to miss this. "I'm sorry."
"Can we just stop talking about this?" I frowned. I didnt want him to leave. I don't want to feel this pain anymore.
"I love you." He said but I didn't say it back. I couldn't. I felt like I lost my voice. All I could do was cry and cry. I wanted to stop. I wanted this pain to go away. "Please don't cry anymore."
"I just- I'm going to go take a walk." I stood up and walked outside. The cold air hitting me. This felt nice. I was alone. Nothing but my thoughts and the street surrounding me.
I didn't want to believe that Calum was leaving for 8 whole months. 8 months without him. 8 months with the feeling of being unsafe, unassured. Hell Im going to miss him. But why would he leave this huge secret out? I thought we were suppose to tell each other everything.
I kicked a couple rocks under my feet and let my keys hang around my finger but the sound annoyed me so I placed them in my pocket. It was so dark outside that I could barely see down the street , which I knew wouldn't be safe to walk down by myself, so I turned back around and walked back to the apartment even though I really wished I had a different option. Seeing Calum would make me cry more.
I walked up the stairs and unlocked the door to my apartment. I quietly walked to Calum and I's shared room and Calum was sprawled out on the bed. I contemplated on whether I should sleep on the couch or just sleep on the bed with Calum. I chose to sleep on the couch just because I need a night to myself. I'll have to get used to sleeping by myself anyways so why not start tonight?
Calum
I hated myself for doing this to Christina. But she knows this is all I've ever wanted and dreamt of. She knows this is hard for me also. I was stuck between my career and my relationship.
8 months without her smile, laugh, kisses, hugs. I don't know how I'm going to do that but I'll have to try.
I heard the door opening but I knew it was Christina so I pretended to be asleep in hopes that she'll sleep with me but I was wrong. I guess she went to sleep on the couch.
4 am
I couldn't sleep. I kept tossing and turning and my eyes wouldn't shut. I felt like I was missing something and I immediately thought of Christina. I didn't want to wake her up but I knew if I dont sleep with her then I can't sleep.
I walked to the living room and gently picked up Christina bridal style and laid her down carefully- not to wake her up- on the bed and I pulled the covers above us.
"I love you." She mumbled
"I love you more." I said and kissed her forehead.
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I don't think I'm going to continue on with this book. I just don't know where this is going and I don't have inspiration for this book at all. But I've been working on this other book called 'Royal' and I'm going to publish it when I'm done with this. I'm sorry if you wanted to read more but I don't have any inspiration for this book.
-Christina :)
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