Yeah, I know. I'm the great bullshitter. Excuse my vulgar french.
If you are the specific one,
Please, trust me with a final chance,
Just read the entire thing.
Not very much progress sleep-wise. I ate a tray of ice-cubes.
I'm right now craving the ever-illusive Hershey's Blue Moon ice cream. You can't find it anywhere in the country except for a few distant places. I consider it my favorite flavor, because there's nothing like it. But if I couldn't find it anywhere, how did I taste it? There's a restaurant I went to with a an ice cream freezer at the back. There's a Neapolitan-deviant ice cream there called Super Man. It's a combination of three ice creams, with one being the Blue Moon.
Unfortunately, I was a bit late to the ole' keyboard due to some problems, with the "stuck-up asshole bastard" I was referring to yesterday. They tore my "digital typewriter" apart, but I managed to fix it soon after their leaving. The figure's got some chemical imbalance within their head that'll drive them up a wall almost instantly. There is a good side to this one, but it's rare and hidden. I can't show myself to the figure, unless I'm straightening something up. Even then, I am convicted for even the most minute flaw in my efforts, and the daily confidence is nullified.
The two days - no conflict, is an unoften occurrence, in a realm with issues springing up nearly every day.
I've come to the understanding of something; When I'm using my hands, I'm not writing. But as soon as I go to lie down, I truly am. It's just that my bed-time paper can't hold words for very long.
I've made the decision to rename this compilation of my mind from "Eternal Sacrifice" to "Dear Not-So Anonymous Reader". According to the Disclaimers & Miscellaneous Information section of my work, for the sake of retaining verification, I will archive the previous Description contents. Although I do somewhat regret the way I assorted them there, I'm keeping them to prove the transition of my mind and the phase I am enduring:
"So to recap, I'm here in this situation because I wanted her to be happy. I had to make sure she thought I was absolutely bananas, so she could forever avoid me, and pursue what makes her content with her life. No matter how much it burns me, it is the right thing to do. She is her own person, and she is of her own will. It's likely I wont retire from my job, ever."
I will also annex after this chapter, my letter to her.
I have finally grown the courage to show myself one last time. I can't be accurate about her judgement towards what I will do, but I'm going to do it anyways. Yeah, that's right, I'm gonna stir up the fire.
Because I need my friend.
Now my grand plan is to make a new Google Account since Google policy forbids the re-utilization of closed accounts. I'll send her a couple brief messages asking that she may read this, and read it entirely when she gets the chance. And hope for the best.
It's only insane and foolish until you succeed, then its genius and remarkable. Right, anonymous reader? Right?
...Nothing? No? Okay, fine you pessimistic grump!
I don't want her to read all of this, but I do want her to read all of this. It's a gathering of my filtered thoughts throughout this hellsunk mess. I feel she'll have to know what goes on through this bunch of electrochemical relays, if she can forgive me.
Something about the insanity, I don't believe I can consider myself insane because of irrational actions. They're rational, but on a far-out scale. I take my self for being insane because of the unstoppable pain over her. My mind won't let her be, and don't say I have control over my mind. If I did have control, I wouldn't deem myself to have such insanity.
But I need my friend, to help me cope with this.
Yeah, reader, it's all very weird how that works. And I do feel ashamed of it, because it violates her. But my mind says it would rather suffer for eternity than wander off to someone else, because there will never be a someone else. Anyone else would have no business with me, and I would have no business with them.
But I want my friend back, and I gotta do this no matter how complicatedly this impairs me. I want her to be free, but I also need my friend to cope with this choice.
It's a risk I'm gonna take, and I don't have those above me to pray to for miracles, because of the stupid I dun' did.
It's a risk I've gotta take.
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