Dear Not-So Anonymous Reader,

Surprise Even More.

July 5th, 2016

11:38 PM

I've spent four days in a pit of non-stop work. So much that I'd rather not even begin to clarify.

Looking back at how these days of writing have been spent, I see that I'm continually interchanging my phase of mind, judging the focus of what I'm writing. Some of the stuff put into the previous chapters needs to be removed, and to add to that, I'm gonna have to re-work varying parts.

Today I awoke at 3:45 PM after a long night of trying to fall asleep. I finished my major daily tasks at about 6:40 PM, and laid back into bed for the remainder of the time-gap. Luckily I was able to retract myself to my computer desk to finish the mess I've started.

When I began writing this, I had this plan of trying to get all of this to her. Two days later, there came an instant burst of hope to fix the incredible damage I've done. But, I don't know how I'm going to face the mishaps of a prior self, especially on this scale. It was bad. Stupid bad.

Although if I am to return, this is what I have to do. It's not like I can simply wait for the right moment, and my opposition will transmute, allowing for an easier opportunity. This isn't the lottery.

I just want this to be over. It's been almost a month now, and I'm starting to lose my sense of reality. 

About a week ago, I had a dream about going to her weekly library and finding her there. She walked around for a bit and then up to me, where she waved her hand and said "hi,". After that I awoke to begin another day.

It reminds me of how much I just want my friend back. My surrounding environment is that of a chain-gang kinda prison. Yeah, at first it may sound like I'm being a bit over-dramatic, yet this is exactly what everything amounts to.

I went ahead too far. I was curious, and the anxious urge to try and jump that hurdle, jumped me. It was a dumb thing to do, and although my mind understood perfectly the likeliness of all the consequences, I couldn't hold back the tension.

I insulted her greatly by doing that. Even more so with the following reactions.