"Saving Jannah." #wattys2016

A New Beginning

"You don't care!" I screamed into the phone. "Habibti please try to understand I can't come home right now!" Yousaf exclaimed"It's our second official Anniversary and you cant come?" I replied"I'm sorry love this conference is taking longer than expected I promise I'll make it up to you I love you very much!" he said "You know what fine do whatever you want I should've known this was going to happ..!" I cried out.*crash* "Oh my God Yousaf are you their?" *no answer only police sirens* "Oh my Allah!"

"Nahi nahi na..!" "Wake up Jaani wake up it's just a nightmare!" I heard a voice which I recognize as my younger sister Isha's voice.'

Another nightmare about that night.' I woke up sobbing hysterically beads of sweat dripping down the side of my face strands of hair in my face I jolted up from the bed. "I miss him so much how do I make these nightmares stop." I cried into her shoulder she pulled me away and said " Shh.. It's okay now appi it's alright the nightmare's over." She tried consoling me. "

All I want is for the nightmare's to go away I want Yousaf I want to be happy again!" I cried she sniffled and hesitated to say"I have an idea Jannah appi but I'm not sure your going to like it." She sighed " Tell me what is it I'd do anything to make them stop!" I saw her hesitate again " Forget it never mind." I could see she was flustered.

"Come one Isha stop putting all this suspense drama queen!" I winked trying to lighten the mood although we both know it didn't really help. She finally said "Okay but don't say I didn't warn you just think about it okay we all just want your happiness it's been so long since we have heard you laugh and be genuinely happy." "Isha habibti your scaring me just say it!" I said with wide eyes of panic.

"We think you should get married!" She said quickly. "What are you.. wait what do you even mean by we?" "Well bhaiya bhabi and mama and baba we have all been thinking and we agree it's about time we see you happy again." She mumbled.

By then I should have been fuming and if it weren't Isha talking to me I would have went all out but I could never get mad at my baby sister Isha. I exclaimed "Whose idea was this!" "Baba's he said it's been almost 2 years since.. Yousaf bhai's death and that he has a friend whose looking for his son's.." "Baas Isha please just go!" I interjected quickly and quietly.

"Please just consider..!" I lost my temper for the first time since Yousaf's death. "Isha leave go right now leave me I don't need anyone the one who I love is dead he left me and it is my fault now leave me alone!" Isha looked startled I had never yelled at her she ran out of my room crying... I quickly locked the door turned around and fell to the ground.

I pulled my knees to by stomach as sobs raged over my body.

*****
I inhaled the warm spring breeze of Boston Massachusetts my hometown and took deep breaths. I was on my beautiful viewed terrace one of the little places that calmed me down and took my breath away. I was about to go and apologize to Isha.

I had started to realize 'I had to move on but how?I thought. I knew i had to but I didn't want to admit that getting married was an option the best choice and option that I had right now.

I knew what I had to do but I needed more time my heart, soul and spirit was still with Yousaf. I had to stop these thoughts about Yousaf or I knew I would start crying again.

I recalled what happened at the hospital and how everyone told me it wasn't my fault I remember mama's exact words "Jannah my life what ever happens allah will bring happiness into your life again my dear Jaani don't blame yourself for what ever happens is written down by allah and I strongly believe everything happens for a reason."