Like The Monster I Am ...

Chapter 3 : family (Lewis)

'Lewis...' I feel a small hand on my shoulder belonging to Ms.Burns. I know the pain will come ... I'm just waiting for it. Numbness has taken over my body and I can hardly hear the multiple voices trying to break me out of my trance not until my own face kneels down in front of me.

'Ryan ?' I reach out to hug my brother and contain all the emotions that just want to spill out of me. Anger. Sadness. Guilt. I don't even know what I'm going to do with out my family.

Well ... technically they aren't my family but they're the closest thing to it. My mom gave up me and my brother up , and since I was only about two I can't even remember her. Even till this day I keep wondering , what if she kept me ? Would I have been a completely different person ? A better person ? I have been with Ms.Burns practically all my life , from every appointment with potential foster parents , to all the turn downs since they wanted a 'baby baby'. But I couldn't have asked for a better gift from her , to give me a family that loves me for me.

But ... all that may be taken away from me.

I remember that I'm still in my brothers arms , a couple of tears have streamed down my face and my hands are gripping his back so tightly my knuckles have turned pail. I let go of Ryan and look into his eyes , then to Ms.Burns , then to all the younger kids that I couldn't imagine living with out. Watching them come in only being months old to me walking them to school.

'I love you ... I love you all.' My family looks at me like they've just seen a ghost until Lily , the youngest in the house at 6 years old , jumps into my lap and hugs me around the neck. Right then and there I realized that I could never just let the foster home be sold.

Before I get to say a word Ms.Burns demands all the kids , except me and my brother , to leave and do their homework. Ryan puts his arm around my shoulders and gives me a look of worry but I give him a smile , waiting for Ms.Burns to explain.

Ms.Burns puts her hands together and gives out a deep breath. 'Ryan ... I believe we have to sell the foster home ...'

Ryan's face goes pail and only mutters one word.

'What ?'

Ms.Burns comes down in front of both of us. 'Not now , but bills are piling up and I can't hold the landlords back for long , maybe until the end of the school year.'

Ryan gets a sudden boost of confidence or something because I've never seen him get up so fast. 'Ms.Burns , we're not just going to let our home get sold without a fight , me and Lewis will do everything in our power to keep this place. Don't tell the kids a thing until we know for sure we have to sell it.'

Ms.Burns and I look at each other then back to Ryan like we had just seen him grow another head , but his idea was amazing.

'I agree Ms.Burns , this is our home , we can't let it go that easy ...'

Ms.Burns doesn't say a word , she nods her head and her eyes get glossy but she blinks away the tears.

'Okay , I'm going to help the kids on their homework and you guys discuss exactly how this plan is going to work out,' she leans in to give me and Ryan kisses on our cheeks, 'love you boys.'

'Love you too Ms.Burns.'

I look at Ryan, 'Hey I'm going to take a walk , get some air , be back about 6ish.' I give him a quick hug.

'Alright , call me if you need me.'

And that would be a walk I never forget.