The girl watched as the lady's expression turned from warm and welcoming to pitiful. She was sure the woman knew what she was about to do. Still, the girl didn't pay much attention to it and instead took out the last dollars she had left from her leather jacket's pocket. She then placed the money on the counter and waited for the lady to bring the medicine.
After a couple of minutes, the lady returned with a small, see-through bottle filled with numerous white pills. The girl could the see the stone hard expression on the woman's face, it seemed like she had gone through this way too many times to count, almost as if she had sold the little, fateful pills to other destructive customers so many times, that she had become immune to feeling sympathy for them.
The girl was thankful for the lady's change of emotions, anything was better than pity. The latter emotion was becoming too common for her, almost everyone she knew looked at her with pity, they were all feeling sorry for her. Let them be, it doesn't matter; everything's about to end soon, anyway.
The girl took the plastic bag with her purchases in it, and headed for the door. Almost immediately after getting out, a bucket of water poured down on her. Even though the rain was soaking through her hair and clothes, she couldn't help but feel content, at least something would cry for her after she's gone... Besides, the rain wasn't disturbing, it was refreshing, distracting her from what was about to take place.
This time, as opposed to the last one, she knew exactly where she was headed. It was hard to see with the heavy rain blocking and blurring her sight, but she knew the way like the back of her tiny, calloused hand.
After thirty minutes of walking, she finally reached her destination; and abandoned bench in the park, lost in the greenery, overlooking a small pond. The park itself was far from the district she lived in, long forgotten to people. Almost no one ever came here. It was her favorite place though, she always visited it to think.
She sat down on the wet bench and took a small vodka bottle out from her jacket, along with the water gun and the sleeping pills that she bought. She screwed the cap of the alcohol bottle off and poured it into the tank of the water gun. The girl took two pills out of the bottle and placed them on her tongue, she then sprayed some vodka in her mouth and savored the bitter taste, wanting to remember the feel of it.
After a couple of minutes, she felt the drug taking control of her organism, blurring her thoughts, slowing her reactions down, dulling the world around... She took out her iPod, chose a song, secured it back into the pocket and plugged the earphones in her ear, making sure that her hair was protecting them from getting wet.
The song started playing:
Where do bad folks go when they die?
Good question, she thought. Where do they go? Surely not where the good ones do?
Then again, it's impossible to tell good from bad today.
They don't go to heaven where the angels fly.
Pfft, angels. Yeah, right. If angels really existed, I wouldn't be here, trying to end it all.
As the song went on, she took two more pills and drowned them with vodka like she did the last time. Her action continued again, again and again, until she couldn't feel herself anymore.That's exactly what she strived for, to mute the feelings, to turn them off.
She stood up on the bench and slowly started swaying her hips to the beat of the song, humming the lyrics and spraying vodka in her mouth from time to time. Rain continued falling and she felt alive, the exact opposite of what she wanted to be.
Suddenly, she felt her knees giving out and even though she tried, tried hard, to keep standing, she collapsed on the ground.
This is it, she thought, my wish is finally coming true. Then why am I feeling so doubtful? Why am I second-guessing my decision? This is what I want, what I've wanted for so long...
She shifted on her back, trying to see the starry night, but all she could feel were the rain drops that fell in her eyes, irritating them. She tried keeping the water away, but the drops went on falling freely, not wanting to be stopped. They're like the angel's tears...
She felt her eyelids dropping, the world around her slowly fading away and even though she knew she had nothing to live for, she was still desperately trying to find a tiny seed of hope to hold onto. She was still searching for one reason to live...
But she knew she was too late, that she had already made her decision, that she had no right to be backing out now and she felt comfort in the thought that soon everything would be over, everything would be black. Like the night sky without the stars...
Before she completely lost her senses, a sudden noise captured her attention.
"Shit!" came a deep, raspy voice from somewhere far away...
Soon, almost too soon, she felt something warm circling around her waist, trying to wrench her off the ground. The same mesmerizing voice was heard again;
"Don't fall asleep!" So the voice wasn't that far away, she thought. I wonder who it belongs to.
Too bad I'll never know...Too bad...Too bad...
Her thoughts drifted away and she felt herself being sucked in the permanent hole of blackness.
YOU ARE READING
Let It Die
Romance"The suicide, as she is falling, Illuminated by the moon, Regrets her act, and finds appalling The thought she will be dead so soon.” -Edward Gorey Having been born and raised in Bronx, NY, she thought she'd seen it all; the delinquents, the crimi...
