The Game We Both Lost

Part 5 - I Would Rather Die

When I woke up the next morning in the same clothes that I'd worn to the beach, I saw that Noah and Hayley had left dozens of messages on my phone. I'd walked home weeping, lucky that mom wasn't home when I reached. I'd gone straight to bed and cried some more, eventually falling asleep without changing into my pyjamas.

I couldn't believe with my life that I was crying last night for a man who was supposed to be my very own opponent. I wanted to laugh, but I couldn't without wanting to cry again. In the bathroom I stared at my own reflection and wondered what was happening to me. I was trying so hard to bury my feelings deep inside me, so deep I couldn't even sense it.

It was such an impossible thing to do, no matter how much I tried. But I wasn't going to give up. And I know just the first thing to do to get started; I ignored his calls and messages. At the same time I also ignored Hayley, who undoubtly will tell him what I tell her. I needed a day away from things, from Noah, from the game. For once, I wanted to end the day without the fact that the whole day had been a pretend and none of what happened was real.

Today will be real enough for me. I spent the first half of the day on my couch, a bowl of icecream in my arms with the TV blaring boring different shows. I didn't feel that tugging in my chest, the ones I usually had whenever Noah and I shared an intimate moment. It made me feel happy, knowing that I have the whole day to myself, and no stupid emotions will get in the way.

I was happily licking away the spoon when someone knocked on the door. I rolled my eyes and let out a loud groan. Someone just had to ruin my little bubble. I got up to get to the door, opening it to see Colton smiling down at me. My eyebrows raised, wondering why the hell is Colton O'Connor doing here at my house. He and I are just two strangers now.

"I saw you crying while you walk home last night. Is everything alright?" He looked at me with concern, the way he used to back when we were together.

Had he really seen me weep? How embarrassing. "Oh, it's nothing. Just got a little upset. No big deal." I shrugged, avoiding his eyes.

"Did that Carlisle kid hurt you?" He got defensive suddenly, portraying anger in his gaze.

"No, he didn't hurt me." I shook my head as I studied him carefully, totally confused.

He was about to say something when a car stopped by my driveway. He turned to see who had come to visit, but I know without looking that it was Noah's yellow porche. I'd come to recognize the sound of his car, and how fast he usually drives. Dropping my head on my hands, I squeezed my eyes shut. I definitely do not need this right now. When can I get my peace?

Noah came out of the car like the egoist that he was. He watched Colton walk down the steps of my porch, and continued staring at him even when he was halfway across the street, reaching his house. I waited for Noah to look at me, and when he finally did, I raised a brow at him in question to why he's here. He smiled as he approached me, reaching out to take my hand but I was quick to step back a little. I was supposed to have a day off without him.

He frowned at me, and this time he didn't mask the emotions in his eyes. I saw that in those bright eyes there was concern and worry, and something else I couldn't read. "What did I do to make you like this?" He asked.

I sighed, breaking away from our eye contact. "It's not you. It's me."

"Are you breaking up with me?" He looked more surprised than saddened, and I should've known that if I did want to end this, his ego will be wounded and not his heart. If he has one.

"I guess I just don't want to do it anymore." That wasn't exactly a lie, nor was it the truth.

The worry, the concern and everything else was gone from his eyes right before he threw his head back and barked out a laughter. I could feel heat burn at my cheeks, but I held my head high and watched him until he was done laughing. He finally finished and looked at me for a whole five seconds, shaking his head. His smile wavered slightly, then when his lips parted and the words came out of his mouth, the emotions and the feelings fled me and all I know was that I hated Noah Carlisle, and I hate him still.