The Game We Both Lost

Part 9 - I Lost

"What you did is unforgivable, Breanna. You could've made her blind! Her whole future will be gone." Mom was nagging at me, her eyes focused on the road.

"Her father is rich. He can handle her." I mumbled, but she heard me.

"I know that. But will you live with the guilt for the rest of your life? Don't tell me this is about that ex-boyfriend of yours. Noah, is it? I expected better from you."

"Mom, it's not Noah. She insulted us. What was I supposed to do? Thank her and walk away?" I snapped, my body now turned to face my mother. I couldn't believe she was blaming Noah for this. If only she had been there when Melissa said what she said.

She never said anything then. We drove home in silence, and when we reached our house, mom went straight to  the kitchen, saying she will get dinner prepared.

I didn't go up to my room, I dropped myself on the couch and turned on the TV. I was half guilty, half proud that I managed to stand up for my own pride and my mother's. For a moment, I wondered what Melissa is saying or thinking now. Could she be plotting a revenge on me? After awhile I try not to think of it. I don't think Melissa would be that crazy to actually kill me.

Right?

Mom was quiet all the way, I could only hear sounds of the kitchen equipments hitting each other, being the only sign that I wasn't alone at home. As I leaned back against the couch, my mind began to swirl around the thoughts of what I should do in that one month of suspension. Should I lock myself up in the room the whole month? I'm certain I might get out officially crazy.

I was startled when my mother called for dinner, and lazily I dragged myself to the kitchen. We sat and ate in silence. It was almost deafening and I was about to say something when the doorbell rang. I got up to get it but my mother stopped me, saying she will get the door. A few minutes after she was gone, she called for me, her voice harsh when she said I have a visitor.

When I got up to see who had so kindly come and visit me, half-hoping it was Hayley instead, I understood why mom chose to use the rather unkind tone of voice. 

My heart did a somersault for a second or two when I see him on my porch. Mom told me pointedly to make it quick. I nodded and watched her retreat to the kitchen. Noah offered me a smile, one that made him impossibly adorable. I realized that I'd been holding my breath, and when I tried to breathe again, my breaths were laboured, Why are you reacting this way, silly Breanna?

What could Noah possibly want, though? We don't have anything to say to each other anymore. Maybe I should thank him again, for saving me that night? We stood there staring at each other in an awkward silence for a whole of five seconds, then just when began to speak, I opened my mouth to say something. We laughed awkwardly and he gestured for me to go on.

"I want to thank you again, for being there for me the other night." I smiled.

He chuckled, shaking his head. "I won't be able to forgive myself if I wasn't there?"

"You wouldn't have known," I nodded, then I wondered why he was in the neighborhood. "What were you doing around here anyway?"

"Was just taking a walk," He shrugged, "But I'm glad I was there."

"Me too," Then there was a pause, in which I rocked on my heels, suddenly too interested in the patterns on the wooden floor. 

"I lost." Noah said suddenlt, calm and steady, and I look up at him in confusion. What did he mean? Seeing my lost expression, he sighed. "I lost the game."

I was stunned into silence, speechless and didn't know what to say. He watched me and waited for me to say something. I saw different emotions flash in his eyes. Worry, concern, defeat. But all I could think of was that he just admitted to losing the game I had so lost long ago. I didn't smile, I couldn't. Then Noah sighed again, looking hurt.

"I know this would happen. I kind of already expect you not having the same feelings. I guess I fell on my own again.: His voice broke at the end, like he was going to cry, but didn't.

"I didn't say that." I said just as he turned to walk away. He looked at me, and I didn't know what to say. I only returned his gaze.

"I know I haven't been the nicest person to you, but -" Ge began but I cut him short, raising my hand, palm facing him.

"Is this even real? Did someone dare you to do it?" I raised a brow at him.

He stared at me in disbelief, then when he spoke again, my knees buckled underneath me, "I'm in love with you, okay? I have been for awhile now." He spoke softly.

I still didn't know what to say. I have never been in this kind of situation before, to be honest. Colton never told me he loved me, and I never told him I loved him, maybe because I didn't. In this silence, I didn't look at Noah's face. I only stared at his motor boots, realizing only now that he hadn't come here with his porche but a motorcycle. For like ten seconds, I managed to look him over, admiring the way his slender body tensed under the irritable yet sexy black shirt with black leather jacket, covering what I know from seeing them at the beach to be his toned stomach. He wasn't muscular, but the sight is rather pleasant.

His black jeans hugged his legs, and with those boots, he looked completely dark and undeniably attractive, like the heroes in vampire books who always have dark secrets. The only thing shining about him were his eyes. He runs his fingers through his already tousled hair, the swirling green and calming blue of his eyes bring about worry. He was nervous.

"Breanna, if you ask me to explain the reasons to why I fall in love with you, I would. But I would take dats to finish explaining them because there are just so many. And one of them is that," he stepped closer to me, taking my chin between his thumb and index finger, "I could see the way your eyes sparkle when you laugh, and I loved it." He whispered, and I wanted to die.

All I could then was smile up at him, and in a whisper not any louder than his, I said, "You should be happy, Noah Carlisle, because I love you too."

His lips broke into a wide grin, the widest I'd ever seen him wear, and soon I was engulfed in his arms. He had me half in the air as he embraced me. My heart was doing all the physical activities my body could not. For the first in almost eighteen years of my life, I was happy. I couldn't describe the feeling in words, nor could I write it down. When he placed me back on the floor, our eyes locked again. He stared at my lips and I saw him bite his own before he slowly leans in. Our lips touched and it felt like fire, deliciously scorching my skin.

As he kissed me, for real this time, I was instantly free of all the emotions I kept trapped inside me. Finally we could kiss without the haunting fact that it was all a part of a game, the game I had so foolishly yet not regretfully started, the game we both lost.

Too soon later, he pulled back and smiled at me, frowning the way he usually does whenever he wondered of something. "Did I lose though? I think you fell in love with me first."

I poked him in his tummy, rolling my eyes. "You can't honestly ask me that now."

"Be honest." He point a finger at me, a smile teasing at his lips.

I couldn't help grinning. I was so happy, my attempts to be serious failed. "Fine. I lost."

He laughed then, pecking my cheek with a kiss. "I knew it. So it means, I won, right?" He grinned, his eyes sparkling the way I think mine are. He pulled me by my waist, closer to him before wrapping his arms around me. "But of course, I lost too. That's why we're both down here, fallen, but we have each other."

Someone cleared her throat, causing us to jump apart. I turned to see my mom glaring at us, gesturing for me to get inside the house. I stole a quick glance at Noah, who mouthed saying he would call me later. Grinning, I closed the door and watched him go through the window.

That night, not even mom could bring my mood down.

And when I called Hayley to tell her, I think she was the one who cried tears of happiness instead of me. She came right after, and we both spent the night just talking and happily grinning at the ceiling. I guess that's what happens when you're happy. Nothing bothers you anymore.