{ #1 } I Was Shooting For The Moon, I Hit Two Stars (MxMxM || 18+)

Chapter 60 - Talking Is Healing

(Alex's POV - Sat. 9 May 2015)

Ugh!!! What the hell am I doing!? I shouldn't be sleeping so deep when anyone might find me there and steal the rest of my belongings! Or worse, kill me in my sleep! How can I even be so deeply asleep when I'm lying on a hard ground and in the cold!? Jeez! Haven't I been reckless enough already?

And yet, I do feel comfortable and warm.

It feels like home... like Mark's huge bed. It feels like I'm on a cloud of cotton. It doesn't smell damp or urine. No, it smells of softener – earthy florals with an undertone of vanilla. It feels like heaven... Perhaps the cold from last night took me away? Maybe I was murdered during my sleep!

But then, if I am dead... It means I'll get to see my parents! I've always wanted to believe in hereafter, hoping that my parents would watch over me, but does it really exist? I should open my eyes and see for myself, but I can't. Not just yet. I want to enjoy the comfort I have missed since I left Chicago. If I am truly dead, I'll have more than enough time to enjoy my parents.

They might be around, waiting for their stupid son to wake up... I wonder what they will look like. Will I recognize them? Have they grown older up there? Dang! Will they bear the scars of their accident like in the nightmares I had? But more importantly, will they be happy to see me? They might be angry I died at such a young age. They might have preferred I had a long and happy life, even in their absence. I know they wanted me to be happy. And I was happy with Mark and Shannon.

Holy crap! Mark and Shannon!

If I'm dead, I won't get to ever see them again! I won't get to feel their safety and comfort again! I have missed them so much since I stupidly ran away, and I will never get a chance to make up for my stupidity. Or earn their forgiveness. They might get upset when they find out about my death because if I remember their voice mails correctly, they actually said how much they loved and missed me too. They're going to be so sad! I hate myself for doing this to them!

No! I can't be dead! I can't hurt people so badly because I'm not a bad person. There must be a way to turn back time or whatever that will help the situation I'm in. I can't let go so easily. I need to fight for the life I had with Mark and Shannon because I love them. I'm not going to give up on happiness, no matter what the consequences are. No matter what my parents may think about my three-way relationship. No matter how hard I'll have to fight to earn their love again.

I eventually open my eyes, more determined than ever to get my life back, and gasp in shock at my surroundings. Such a familiar place... These light-blue walls, the dark curtains, the comfortable bed, the white leather armchairs by the window, the black chest of drawers that contains comforters and bed sheets, the bedside tables with alarm clocks that both display 6:27pm.

Flashbacks flood my mind and it all comes back to me now. I called Mark yesterday evening, and both he and Shannon drove to Champaign to pick me up and bring me back to Chicago!

I also remember I escaped the promise of a gangbang and ran for the hills. Adrenalin is a wonderful thing and I managed to outdistance the jocks, then hid in the cemetery. I clearly recall pulling out my phone, reattaching its battery and pondering on things for a long moment. I was exhausted, my feet were hurting, and I could barely breathe. I was so tired of having to run away from every situation.

I thought that, being so close to my parents' grave, I might get a sign from them, but it didn't happen. I simply wanted them to show me they approved the relationship and everything I had left behind in Chicago. But then I thought about Paul and Sophia Murray and how their open-mindedness and never-failing support reminded me of my own parents in an older version. I remembered that conversation I had with Paul at a moment we were cooking together, and I asked him if he wasn't upset that Mark had two lovers.