Lmao why am I so fucking pathetic?

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lmao my self esteem is just, wow.

Disgusting. 

I'm so pissed at myself for not being able to be the person I want to be, in how I feel, act, look. Everything.

I just feel so fucking pathetic. I just wish maybe I was a little more muscular, I wish my face wasn't so round, I wish I was taller, that I was actually allowed to cut my hair the way I want to.

"You only want to cut your hair short to make a statement, Geneva. You live for the thrill, you want to do it for the thrill factor."

Or maybe I just want to be happy with how I am. For once, at least. I don't even recall a time I looked in the mirror and thought "Wow I look alright today."

"Geneva, don't complain about your body! You're beautiful, such a fine young lady, I would kill to have a womanly figure like yours!"

When will you understand that I don't want a 'womanly figure'? I wish I was fucking flat. Don't you dare call me beautiful, because I'm not.

Beautiful isn't me. It hurts, when you call me that. Most people would be glad, but I hate it. I don't want to be called beautiful, womanly, anything of that sort. Please.

I don't want to be me. This shell, this body, it isn't me. I'm tired of it all.

I should stop complaining now, my problems are irrelevant.  



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