J-Fred

Ch. 6: A Decision

Alice races back inside from the roof. Once she is out of the room, she presses her back against the wall and gasps. "What just happened?" she whispers to herself. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath as the breeze from the open window blows against her. 

She does not even know if that was what she wanted. She admits she has feelings for him, but she did not want to believe that he was actually flirting with her. Amanda was right; she is afraid to actually be in a relationship with him. She is terrified of commitments. But when he kissed her...she felt a rush of adrenaline and emotions. 

As she is standing there with weak knees and recovering from what just happened, her heart feels warm inside her chest, and her face feels hot. Suddenly, she hears J-Fred climb back in from the roof. Alice cannot bear to see him yet. She quickly races down the stairs, grabs her things, and hurries out the door. 

As she climbs into her car, she sees his face looking out from the upstairs window. He stares longingly down at her. Their eyes meet for a moment, but she quickly breaks the stare and starts up the car. As she starts driving away, she looks back one last time to see him still watching her.

She feels guilty and scared and so many more emotions. The moment she gets home, she collapses into her bed and falls asleep. She dreams that J-Fred is holding her tightly in his arms. She tries to shove him away and wriggle herself free, but he has an iron grip. When she finally frees herself, she falls down a deep, dark black hole. She screams as she plummets downward. Suddenly, two arms encase her. J-Fred catches her from her fall. She looks up to see his kind face smiling down at her.

Alice awakens drenched in sweat. The only way to end all of these feelings and worries is to talk to him. For the whole morning, she paces back and forth, wondering what to do. She wonders how to let him down easily, but part of her wants him to hold her in his arms and kiss her. She tries desperately to rid that from her head.

Finally, she decides to go drive over to his house. In the car, she is still going back and forth in her head between the part of her that wants to go explain why they cannot be together and the other part that wants to burst into his house and kiss him.

She parks outside his house and just stares at it. Her heart pounds in her chest, and she can feel her blood racing through her veins. Even as she stand outside his door, she has not made her decision. Alice knocks on the door, and J-Fred's kind, handsome face answers it. His beautiful blue eyes widen when he sees her. "Alice," he says, surprised. "Um, come on in."

He leads her over to a table, and they sit across from each other. As Alice looks back up at him, she makes her final decision. 

"I'm sorry, J-Fred," she sighs, "but I think we should just stay friends. I'm just not ready for this." Every word she speaks breaks him a little bit more. "Do you think we could still be friends."

He stares down at his hands and nods stiffly. "Yeah, I'd like that. I'm sorry about last night; I wasn't really thinking." Alice clenches her fists under the table until her knuckles turn white. She still feels nervous with those butterflies in her stomach. "Well, um, would you like some coffee?" he asks.

She stands up abruptly. It is too hard, too soon. "I'm sorry, I have to go," she announces. She mutters a brief goodbye and is gone as quick as she came. J-Fred just sits there and stares at her empty chair across from him.