GONE | h.s

05

this chapter  sucks. I apologize dearly ...

SPOILER: if you have an issue with self harming I recommend to NOT READ THIS.

05

That morning, I woke up to the sound of someone banging on my front door.

"I'm coming!" I lazily shout, as I lift myself off the comfort of my warm, yet soullessly cold, bed, and walk out the room.

The banging didn't stop though.

Last night was the first time I slept on my bed ever since Grace's death. My heart couldn't help but flutter with warmness, but it was only a matter of seconds when the coldness would return and replace it.

I lazily walked to the front door, grasping the cold metal door knob, yanking it open. The spring breeze brushes past my face, causing me to slightly widen my eyes.

I look up, my eyes met another;deep blue ocean orbs.

"Lou?" I question.

Louis was my best friend, keyword; was. We stopped talking shortly after Grace's death. I craved detachment, yet he still wanted to help me. I remember the first week of dealing with Grace's death, I would always drink and smoke. Drowning my sorrows. Basically what I still do now.

This one night he got so sick of my shit and accused me of being a drunk. A "drunk depressed asshole who couldn't control his life, nor move forward onto the passing of his dead girlfriend."

That night I was so pissed off at what he was saying. Not because it hurt, but because it was true. His words held so much honesty that I couldn't and refused to believe that he was right about me wanting to stay dwelling on the fact my girlfriend was dead due to suicide.

The sound of someone clearing their throat snaps me out of my thoughts, and I catch Louis' gaze.

"Harry." Louis' voice comes out rougher and scratchier than I thought, his voice originally sounded a bit more high pitched than a regular mans would.

I didn't know what to say or do. Surly I was surprised, but I didn't know what he wanted, which frightened me most.

"Uh, Not to be rude, but what are you doing here?" I questioned. I was so relieved to finally see a familiar face, but the thought of him coming to tell my how fucked up my life is again, pained me.

"I was around the area and I just wanted to stop by and see how you were doing. it has been a while since we last talked, were both grown men, I think we should just leave the past behind and move forward." he paused to clear his voice, yet said "I mean, not unless you want to." His blue orbs flickered towards mine for a split second, but they immediately trailed down onto the ground.

My heart fluttered with relief as I let out a deep shaky breath that I didn't realize I was holding.I nodded my head, and step forward as tears began to strike down my eyes. He was my best friend ever since we were both young running around in diapers. I couldn't help but grasp him into a strong tight embrace and accept him back into my life.

-

It wasn't until after two hours of reminiscing  onto our past together that Louis announced that he had to go home.

"It was nice catching up with you buddy, I hope to see you around more." Louis said catching my gaze.

I was a little disappointed that he was going home, but I understood that he had a life of his own, unlike me.

"Yeah, see you around" and with that I gave him a soft smile and closed the door behind him.

My body flooded with relief, with a small sort of calmness, and love. It's been two months without any communication towards my friends, and family. Two months without communication towards anyone. And after those two months, seeing Louis, my best friend, calmed me down, and eased my pain a bit.

I sat down onto my living room sofa. And I just thought. I thought about all the times I would drink to erase my problems, get high to blur my pain, and cry until I couldn't see.

It wasn't until this moment where guilt hit me the most. I forgot her. I spent two hours without thinking of Grace. I couldn't stop the sickening feeling I felt in the pit of my stomach, I betrayed her.

My heart began to bang erratically against my chest. My throat started to burn. I felt the vile rise up my throat, causing me to jump off the couch and run to the bathroom.

Emptying out my stomach, I gag. The excess taste on my tongue felt disgusting. I felt disgusted.

I stared at my reflection through my mirror. My green eyes held darkness and weren't filled with Pureness and love anymore. But instead held loneliness and sadness.

Tears poked  the brim of my eyes, as I stared at the one thing I never would thought I would. The sharp edges on the small piece of metal shouted at me to be picked up.

No Harry

Her beautiful voice rang through my ears. I was debating whether or not to let the angel lead me through heaven, or let the devil suck me into his darkness.

Pushing Grace out of my thoughts, I grasped the small metal and examined the sharp edges. I held it high, it was now held in my face. I brought it down onto my wrist tracing a line.

Shoving it ink my flesh, and seeing the blood excited me. It brought me a sort of excitement I never thought that I'd love. Of course it pained a bit. But nothing then erasing the pain of Grace and replacing it with another excited me most.

-

Harry isn't gay for Louis. Harry just needs a friend since he had no one during the time period of Grace's death Which is why he felt so relieved when he finally talked to someone