Trip To Oblivion (Jaeson/Markson story AU)

Chapter 7

I'm the worst person ever...I'm really sorry for this hiatus I was on.A lot of stress from school and I know i should stop with the excuses *cries in Korean* Anyway,I'm back now and I hope some of ya'll are still here even thoughIi have a feeling that my profile here on Wattpad is going to shit.I have this whole story finished now so no more delaying 

Enjoy!

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Quod in corde sobrii,id in lingua ebrii.(What lays on a heart of a sober man,spills from the tongue of a drunk .)-Old Latin saying

July 29th,2014

He's used to being close to Jaebum by now.He's used to seeing the older male at least once in every two days and not feeling that same nervousness in the pit of his stomach.He is used to seeing Jaebum's broad back and his arm muscles that flex every time he explains something to the group of kids that stare at him in awe.Especially teenage girls who look at him dreamily and Jackson wants to puke because he can practically see imaginary hearts flying around their hormone overfilled bodies.But he is used to it.

It's kind of strange,feeling something similar to jealousy in the moments like that.Except it's not jealousy, Jackson knows that much.He doesn't have the urge to make a nasty remark or to walk away out of the room or to pull Jaebum away from the crowd and kiss the absolute shit out of him.Because,Jaebum isn't his.And he isn't Jaebum's.And it's good that way,it's cool.Jackson is sure he wouldn't be able to go through the same thing over again.

It would be like putting a hand in a fire that burned your skin,for the second time.

It always burns.

When the liquor passes down his throat,it burns.When the night falls and he lays in his bed,staring at the same picture for hours,it burns.When he wants to scream and yell but bites his tongue instead ,it burns.

It used to burn more though.The pain was so great that he could feel it ripping his insides apart.He could feel it travelling through his veins,feeding his heart with misery and sorrow.

Now,the big fire inside of him died down into small flame that still burns,but not as much and not as frequent.It blossoms more when he is alone,in the darkness of his room,listening to repetitive music on crappy music channels while the clock ticks away,reminding him that he should be asleep like every other human being.

But when it burns,there's no sleeping.

And it's not a new urge he feels in these times that makes him pick up his phone only to stare at the same name in his contact list for twenty minutes,less or more.He wants to press the green button,wants to hear that deep voice that's been hunting his rare dreams.He wants it.He wants it so bad.

Fingers are twitching,gliding over the smooth surface of his phone,passing by the small crack on the screen and he feels like a fucking coward.He smiles bitterly to himself because it's burning again and he can't even find it in himself to dwell on it any longer.He just wants to make it stop.

A second of courage.A second of just shutting the bad thoughts off.

''Hello?''

There it is,that voice he's been dying to hear.It's just like he hoped it would be,low and thick with sleep.For a second he feels kind of bad for waking him up in(he checks the clock briefly biting his lip) 4am.

''Jackson are you okay?''

Jackson's heart aches a little,his chest squeezing, because even though it's almost dawn and everyone else would have probably told him to fuck off, Jaebum actually bothers to ask if he is okay.