Trip To Oblivion (Jaeson/Markson story AU)

Chapter 8

If I risk it all,

Could you break my fall?

***

Jackson can practically feel the weight of negativity and depression on his shoulders. There is a grey cloud over his head and it's been pouring nonstop for the past two weeks.

He wishes that the problems in life could be as light and transparent as the smoke coming out of his cigarette. He doesn't even count them anymore, just changes the box when it's needed. And it's sad really, how his lungs are more used to nicotine than to an actual air with oxygen. But, it's not like he's too keen on breathing lately.

He hasn't stepped into the self-defense club for a while and something keeps him restless. An indescribable feeling (and a shit ton of missed calls from Jinyoung) that almost makes him get up from his couch, take a long hot shower and walk those five blocks down the street. But then there's that same dread in the pit of his stomach mixed with cheap convenience store vodka holding him back.

He exhales the smoke lazily, raises his hand and watches it vanish between his fingers, licking his skin almost tenderly.

He didn't use to like smoking very much but sometimes, for the sake of people you love, you start doing nasty shit that isn't very good for you.

(''Isn't it ironic? '' Jackson asks one time when him and Mark are sitting on a park bench, Mark's legs over his lap, his red hair tousled by the breeze and the smoke of his just inflamed cigarette carried away aimlessly. Mark looks at him through squinted eyes as he takes a particularly long drag.

''What is?''

Jackson stares at his lips a little too long, almost hypnotized by the way they part and let the visible suspension of carbon and other particles dissolve into thin air.

''The fact that you're willingly putting something that's slowly, but surely killing you in your mouth. ''He knows he sounds like a mother chiding her son for having such an awful habit, but he was never the one for smoking. Mark laughs short and almost mocking, his legs shaking lightly over Jackson's thighs.

He exhales again, this time much slower, holding Jackson's moping gaze. Mark closes his eyes then, and lets his head fall back, content smile on his lips. When he opens them eyes again, they look placid, almost pensive

''We all die eventually, 'He says, corners of his chapped lips pulling slightly upwards, ''It's just a matter of time.''

Jackson swallows thickly but tries not to let those blatantly realistic words get to him.Instead, he squeezes one of Mark's legs and looks at the older male with a sullen expression. ''But why speed up the process?''

Mark doesn't say anything. Only smiles softly and stretches out his hand with cigarette still in it, between his slender fingers. He nods his head subtly. ''Try it.''

Jackson's face pales, ''Are you fucking insane? I'm not doing it.'' He crosses his arms over his chest and fixes his gaze ahead of him.Still, with a corner of his eye he catches Mark grinning broadly and inhaling the smoke thoroughly. There is a word, maybe even a whole sentence at the tip of his tongue that evaporates as soon as he feels a pair of cold, gentle hands turning his face to the side, and a pair of warm, toxic lips on his own.

The smoke flows past his instinctively opened mouth and enters his lungs, burning like fire. Jackson pulls away and coughs dryly, smacking Mark's shoulder.