Mindful(l)

Chapter 2: Cursing Curse of Coursing Courses

You: How is he a mindreader?

Me: It's complicated.

It all began with my mother. She was a kind and gentle woman who had been tainted by the ways of marriage. 

Mother (before): Oh, that poor man is living in a box. I better give him some change.

Mother (after): Why can't bums get a job like the rest of us? Maybe then you wouldn't have to sleep on the street!

Yes, after marrying my father, my mother realized how boring he had become. He was a busy man who was off in God knows where doing God knows what. By this time, she was already pregnant with me and had nothing to do around the house. She had always wanted to be an antique store owner but love got in the way of it. But, of course, with the amount of money they had piling up, Mother would always buy something rare whenever she had the time to. 

Lucky for me that she decided to buy "The Elixir of Knowledge". It was an ancient potion from the time of the alchemists* that supposedly granted knowledge to all who drank from it. Guess who decided to do that? Bingo! Mommy wanted smarts. Turns out that after she drank it, she found a piece of paper taped under the bottle. In it was... (drum roll) A CLICHE RIDDLE! AND IT RHYMED! It read something like this: "For those of you that seek all knowledge, there's one thing you'll never know: All lies can be demolished but all truths will never show. Your next of kin will know it all, what he or she will think. Until he sees that life is really something to rethink."

Yep, cheesy and mediocre. You'd think they could do better, right? Was it really that hard to find something that rhymed with "think"? Probably. Am I going to complain anyways? Duh. 

Moving on:

Mother took it as a joke. That is, until the day after my birth.  She had picked me up from my crib to breastfeed me only to find that the little paper with the riddle was stuck to my blanket. Yeah, because papers just magically appear when you're about to breastfeed your newborn. That was real smooth, "God". Well, that and the fact that everytime someone else came into the room, I'd start crying (I mean like literally screaming). Hey, crowded voices can do a lot to a newborn, OK? Anyways, she would scream at everyone to leave the room and slam the door in their faces (Can you slam a hospital door?). After they left, she said that I quickly fell silent again. All she did was thinksoothing thoughts, she didn't even speak. AND... That's what I know about what happened to me. 

Let's move on to my usual rant: how even leaving home sucks. Today was a rather a exhausting day. Connor wouldn't stop thinking about the girl that vomited on him and that Hispanic boy wore really tight pants. Speaking of which, the boy's name is Alejandro. How original! I bet it took his parents a long time to come up with that one. Anyways, "Alejandro" (I prefer to call him "Spanglish Boy") did not only wear the tightest pants that I have ever seen, but he also chose me as his partner for Spanish class. The thing is that we pick a partner and we have to practice Spanish with them for the rest of the year. Lucky me. 

Now that I think about it, Spanglish Boy is really very clever. He transferred here last month and had the witty idea of taking Spanish class as an elective because he already knows all the basic things we're gonna cover, since he's from South America (Yes, not everyone who speaks Spanish is Mexican).This is probably the best definition of an "Easy A" that I've ever heard someone think of (I peeped into his brain this morning. It's not like I wanted to).

Anyways, moving on to my "humble admirers", today I had to partner up with one of my many fangirls, Nancy. I know what you're thinking, "here he goes again". You know what? You're absolutely right. However, this girl is beyond what I've ever seen before. Don't believe me? Last year, SHE STOLE SOME OF MY HAIR, OK? IN THE MIDDLE OF CLASS. And where'd she put it? In a Ziplok bag on her locker door! On the other hand, she's one of the smartest girls in my class, so I figured that I could at least take advantage of-- I mean-- get revenge on her. Of course, everything comes with a price:

Nancy: (pretends to trip over some books) 

Me: (automatically catches Nancy like a tango dancer) 

Nancy: (screaming so that everyone can hear) "Oh, Marlo! (giggle) You rascal!" He must definitely like me back! (blush)

Naturally, I got nasty looks from all of the girls who think I'm a ladies' man. The most obvious thoughts were: 

Boy: He gets all the girls...

Admirer #?: Ugh, how could she?! (This one must've noticed that she tripped on purpose.)

Hater Girl #2: He's such a playah...

Teacher: Ugh, kids these days are SO DRAMATIC. I need some painkillers. (ignores what she's seen and leaves for the nurse.)

On the bright side, I got an A+ on that assignment. On the lesser side, Nancy Beauregard won't stop thinking about the most disgusting scenarios with me. We take five classes together. Yeah. To sum it all up, lessons to be learned from this:

- Nancy Beauregard is one crazy bi-- nut.

- Never sit next to Connor when he's having an "off day".

- Tight pants and bending don't mix. (You don't want to know)

- Papers like to poof up near babies and breasts. (Look out, Moms) 

Footnotes:  *alchemists: men of knowledge (usually philosophers) that studied alchemy, which was known as a base for modern chemistry.  

NEXT TIME: CHAPTER 3: FEELINGS FALL FAR FROM FLOWERS