The Girl Who Ran

Why me?

I stumbled into the kitchen, tripping over Reagan's baggy clothes. He chuckled a jolly laugh that made me smile.

"You still look beautiful, even in a man's clothes." I could feel my face tingling with redness. I thanked him softly. Tonight was my night to show my appreciation for what Reagan had done for me and a big dinner would surely do the thing.

"What do you want for dinner?'' I asked brightly.

"I'm not picky," he smiled.

I spent an entire hour preparing one of my favorite dishes. A lovely Chicken parmigiana with a glass of red wine for Reagan that I found in the pantry. I wasn't old enough to be tasting wines, but my dad would always sneak me a snip or two when he got the chance.

I set two plates around the booster seat for Annie. I made her a simple box of cheesy pasta with a spoonful of her favorite avocado puree. She loved avocados. We made a toast to a bright future and giggled the whole night.

As I was cleaning up and washing the dishes, I was surprised by a hand on my hip. I was turned around by that same gorgeous man who only stared into my eyes. I could tell that he could see my pain still. I couldn't hide it from him. He knew it so well, it was like he already knew what I was going to say before I had even thought of the words that would eventually slip off my tongue.

He just stood there cradling my weak body in his strong arms and caressed my grieving mind. You don't know how bad I needed him in that second, because even though I didn't say a word nor did a tear or a frown appear on my face, my mind started to wonder and that never ends well. Even though I tried my hardest to hide it, he knew! He saw more than the smile I projected. Maybe he knew what it was like to hide behind your own self. Maybe that is what he did for so many years after losing his parents.

We took a long break and sat out on the back porch, looking up to the crystal clear sky that lit up the world around us. The milky way was showing off tonight; shining her bright stars down on our faces. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

"Each star has its own story. That's what my father use to tell me when I was a little boy," he whispered. "I remember when I was young, I lived by this girl. She was so beautiful. She and I would play outside for hours on end, and we would laugh until our stomachs hurt. I remember crying with her when she had bad days and I remember standing up for her when the bullies down the street would tease her. I was only 11, but I fell in love. We use to look at the stars the same way we are now. You remind me of her. Your melodic giggle and your bright eyes; everything."

"You remind me of a boy I used to know too. Small world I guess, right?" I laughed.

"Yeah, I guess so."

The next morning I was woken up by the sound of sizzling and popping. A sweet maple aroma suffocated my senses. Half-awake, I peered out to the kitchen to find Reagan cooking a breakfast big enough to serve an army of starving men. He even put together a special plate just for Annie. I walked in on him making the cutest silly faces at Annie, but the moment was spoiled by an embarrassment of being caught. His face ever so slightly changing in various colors of pink and red. I thought it was cute, how he cared for Annie. My heart pounded with joy.

After breakfast, I kindly asked Reagan if he could watch over Annie while I went on a stroll to try and clear my mind. He reassured me that she would be fine to stay with him for a while and wished me luck. I couldn't think of a more beautiful place to explore.

I walked upon a lovely den, built by a dear or maybe a moose. I watched the squirrels run and play, chasing each other up and down the towering trees above me. I stopped in a patch of trees. My body had this trembling and irresistible urge to run, run from everything! I wanted to run from my past, I wanted to run from my future, I wanted to run from all the pain and suffering, and I wanted to run from the fact that my parents are dead.

"They are never coming back! Do you hear me? Do you understand? Of course, you don't, because you will never feel the pain and sorrow I am having to go through. You will never understand the meaning of 'losing everything' until you lose the ones that took care of you and watched over you since you were a little baby. You do not understanding the meaning of 'regret' until you lose those closest to you and all you wish you could do was bring them back so you could apologize to them for every time you made them upset, or pissed off, or broke their heart with words that were not meant to be thought, let alone said to their face." I stopped dead in my tracks. I was no longer able to run like I used to. My lungs collapsed beneath my grieving heart. "Why me?"