The Girl Who Ran

Mixed Emotions

My dream was abruptly interrupted when the morning sun rose and once again, Annie was whimpering for her breakfast. I tossed around a bit in the bed, not opening my eyes; I hoped that she might go back to bed for a few moments more, but that is not what she had in mind. I rolled over to feel an arm wrap around me. I opened my eyes. It was him and everything that happened suddenly felt less like a dream I imagined. I never said I regretted it, but I wasn't jumping up and down like a little girl either. I didn't know how to feel. I guess becoming an adult really got to me.

Weeks started to go by and I didn't feel like myself anymore. I couldn't run without feeling like I was being suffocated from shortness of breath. I started to feel sore and tender. It was getting to be closer to the harsh winter months: flu season was right around the corner. There were other things that made me think that it was something else though. I was always super tired and headaches became a daily battle. Will tried remedies and homemade soups and teas to try and help subside the cramping, but nothing seemed to work and I was in need of answers.

I opened the door to let Will in; his hands were full of groceries. I helped him carry them inside and put them away in the cupboards, but I came across a box. Why did he have this? I turned around to ask him why he bought it.

"I know how sick you have been feeling lately love," he said in the sweetest voice.

"You bought me a pregnancy test because I might have the flu?" I questioned.

"My homemade soup didn't even help a bit, and I'm sure that it has cured my grandmother's cancer from spreading," he said sarcastically. "Just take it for me okay? Ever since that night I... Ugh, I don't know."

At this point I was bewildered, "Me pregnant?" I thought to myself. I'm not even 18 yet! I cursed that beautiful night that Will and I had, but there was no guilt that followed. I didn't feel guilty about what happened. I had zero regrets, but I don't think I could be a parent. "No, I can't be. At least I don't think so?"

My bare feet hit the tiles of the bathroom floor as I sauntered towards the toilet. I gazed at the reflection that was staring right back at me. I turned to the side to view my stomach; I imagined a big, round belly. Why did I find the thought of being pregnant more pleasing than discomforting? Was I in shock that I could possibly have another human being growing inside of me, or was I simply at peace with myself and the thought of a beautiful baby engraved with my genes was a pure miracle? On that thought, I pulled out one of the pregnancy tests.

I sat on the ceramic lid, inhaling and exhaling. My nerves getting the best of me as I waited for the results. I couldn't stand staring at that white stick that was soon to reveal my future. I needed Will. I called him in to sit on the edge of the tub, so he could be there to hold my hands tightly. We sat there in silence with our eyes closed, but then a quiet pitter patter was heard. I turned to see Annie; she was walking! Her first steps towards Will and I. She made me the proudest big sister ever. I had tried and tried to get her to even stand, but only failed attempts followed the endless trials. Our moment of joy was great while it lasted because it was soiled by the timer I set. It was time.

I stared at the back of the test hard, knowing that my life could take a serious turn. I shut my eyes tightly before turning it around.

"Oh my god.." I mumbled under my breath.

"What? What is it, Angel? Baby, what does it say?"

"We're-"

"We're pregnant?" he said in a sort of scared-shitless but amazing mix of emotions.

"No, the exact opposite!" I stated with a small grin, but sort of disappointment. I was confused? What was causing me to be sick then? Was it really just the flu?

Soon after realizing that I was not pregnant, I started to feel a little better. I didn't feel as sore, my headaches were able to be tamed with capsules of Advil, and I was able to get some shut-eye on the nights that followed. Today was Annie's second birthday, and man, she was getting so big. I soon realized how close my birthday was too! I would finally be able to live on my own, and I could possibly adopt Annie. If I am not considered a criminal due to running away with her.

We celebrated with chocolate muffins that Will had made. They were soft and warm; there was nothing better than homemade pastries. Reagan took many pictures of us as Annie shoveled bite after bite into her mouth. She really did enjoy it.