Letters of my Life. (A Skip Beat! Fanfic)

Chapter 9

No thoughts, no feelings just doing. That was the point she had gotten to now. She picked up letter 19 and looked at her name on the front, hardly registering it before she tore it open and pulled out the folded paper within.

Kyoko-chan,

I've finally done it! This year I became the number one actor in Japan, I also got most huggable man, and number one bachelor plus some others, but none of them really matter. I finally feel I'm starting to get somewhere Kyoko-chan. After my realisation last year when writing to you, I have abstained from any relationships after she left me for another man. I think it's fair to say that I well and truly am cursed, but I've found that I can love my acting more. It takes away the loneliness and is something I can truly lose myself in.

I've made it to number one Kyoko-chan, but I find myself now wondering where I need to go next? I'm still not there yet I've not risen high enough to say I'm on equal footing with my father. There is still more I need to do, so much more. Lately I have been spending more time with Maria-chan. I mentioned her to you before, she's seven now and she is beautiful. She keeps telling me she is going to marry me and that I'm hers. Who needs Yashiro scowling when you have little Maria running around with a tub full of bugs scaring off potential love interests? Still, she makes me smile though I see in her a darkness. She has spoken to me about it a little and I was right. Her father's distance in his grief has become to her his hatred and he no longer even lives in this country, choosing to live in the US instead. He left her in her grandfather's care.

I wonder what you would tell her Kyoko-chan? If you were here would you be able to lift her darkness like you did for me all those years ago? I doubt my sapphire trick would have worked on Maria-chan like it did on you, but I just wished there was something I could do for her. Something that would make her feel less alone and less unloved, yet I cannot do it, Kyoko-chan. I tried, I told her my feelings and she just looked at me like I was telling her something she didn't believe. She seems to have lost her trust in adults, Kyoko-chan and I have no idea how to change that so for now I spend as much time as possible with her, hoping one day she will talk to me again or maybe one day someone like you will heal her. In an ideal world maybe you could heal me as well.

That's wishful thinking on my part. Do you know the number of times I've considered just jumping into my car and driving to Kyoto just to see if you're there? If you're still at that creek waiting for me? You wouldn't recognise me now I bet, but I suppose this is the new me and to be recognised would be a bad thing. It would mean I had failed being the new me. The me who is almost entirely the opposite of the darker side of myself. Can you imagine a man standing half in light and half in shadow? That's how I see myself now. I hide the shadow within but it's still there, just locked away so it cannot touch the light or maybe it really is like me with my new name. I've still not told you my name, but it's still not time yet, Kyoko-chan.

Happy 16th Birthday, Kyoko-chan I hope you have had a wonderful day.

Me

Kanae watched the cameras, waiting for any signs that she would be needed. Chiori sat next to her silent, the room was all silent as the cameras showed the young girl as she reached for the next letter in the box, dropping the one she had just read on top of the pile of read letters.

"You know, I will never forgive you if this hurts her?" Kanae said, eyes never leaving the screens. Someone behind her shifted uncomfortably

"I know, I will even supply the tools for my personal torture." a voice said. No one stirred, they just watched the girl on the screens

"She looks too calm, I'm going in there." Kanae stood and went to walk to the door. It was Chiori that grabbed her,

"This is the calm Kanae, the calm before the storm. She needs to be alone right now. She needs time to do this, it's important. We will be there when she needs us but not a moment before that. Now sit down, you're making me nervous." Kanae scowled at her but sat, arms crossed across her chest as she watched the screen.

"President what's in those letters?" she asked without turning to Lory who looked at the back of Kanae. It was stiff and he could see a slight tremble there.

She's so scared for Kyoko, she doesn't know what to do with herself. I hope this was the right thing to do.

"Those letters tell a story, Kotonami-san, a story of a life much like what you have just been told, but that story comes from the eyes of the main character, if you like." Kanae turned and looked at him scowling,

"I will never forgive you either then, sir." Lory simply nodded and when Kanae turned away he smiled

Neither will I Kanae, neither will I.

The room was silent as they watched and waited. No one spoke any further though Lory saw Chiori take Kanae's hand and squeeze it tight and then a small squeeze in return.