We'll Always Have Summer (WAHS #1)

10 | In The Mourning

"He was gone, and I did not have time to tell him what I had just now realized: that I forgave him, and that she forgave us, and that we had to forgive to survive in the labyrinth. There were so many of us who would have to live with things done and things left undone that day. Things that did not go right, things that seemed okay at the time because we could not see the future. If only we could see the endless string of consequences that result from our smallest actions. But we can't know better until knowing better is useless."

- John Green (Looking For Alaska)

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Itinupi ko ang journal ko na nakapatong sa mga tuhod ko, hugged my knees to my chest habang tila nagsasabay ang tunog ng ihip ng hangin at ng lagaslas ng alon mula sa dagat papuntang dalampasigan. The sea water touching the tip of my toes habang nakaupo ako sa dalampasigan. Maganda ang panahon at may kaunting kulimlim ang langit.

Napalingon ako nang marinig kong may tumawag sa pangalan ko mula sa 'di kalayuan.

"Gabby!" I saw Lance as he jogging towards my place, he's smiling and I returned the expression. Naupo ito sa buhangin katabi ko, idinantay nito ang mga kamay sa magkabila niyang gilid para suportahan ang pagkakaupo. Bumuntong-hininga siya bago ako pinagmasdan na para bang kinakabisado ang bawat parte ng mukha ko.

Nagkunot ako ng noo at tumawa, "Akala ko sa araw ako matutunaw.."

I covered his eyes using my hands to stop him from staring.

"Ang ganda mo kasi," sabi pa niya. Hawak na nito ang kamay ko, pareho pa rin kaming tumatawa.

"Bawas-bawasan mo nga 'yang pagka-bolero mo. Baka mamaya, maniwala na 'ko nyan," biro ko.

"Maganda ka, Gabby.."

I punched him funnily on his shoulder bago tumawang muli. Nag-react naman ito agad na parang sobrang nasaktan sa ginawa ko, na lalo kong ikinatawa. Lance always has the knack to make me laugh. Kahit na sobrang lungkot ko, napapangiti niya ko. He's the type of guy you'll never get bored with. Hindi naman yung tipong maraming alam na jokes, but he has that charm that makes everything light. Simple. Happy. And he's at the very right timing today. Because I need that vibe he naturally has. Gusto kong mahawa ng saya na ibinibigay niya.

"Bakit mag-isa ka?" tanong nito matapos naming mahimasmasan sa pagtawa.

"Wala si Claire, nasa bayan sinamahan si Nanay Lucy mamili," sagot ko kay Lance habang itinuon ang mga mata ko sa dagat.

Nakita ko itong tumango, "Si Jake?"

Hindi ako nakasagot agad. Kahit ako hindi ko rin alam ang sasabihin. The mere sound of his name was enough to make me so emotional.

I swallowed a huge lump on my throat trying not to cry, "H-He had to take an early flight today. Emergency."

Just this morning I woke up with alone in the bed. The side of my bed empty, without Jake on it. Hindi ito nagpaalam. Hindi ko rin alam kung totoo ba ang lahat ng nangyari kagabi. I was expecting he'd leave note on my bedside pero kahit ano ay wala. Nalaman ko na lang kay Claire na umalis na daw ito ngayong umaga. Emergency daw. Dumaan daw ito sa bahay nila bago umalis para makapagpaalam.

Greg's gone. He had left Tita Marina and Jake earlier this morning. Greg was Jake's step father.

Jake left this morning without any notice. Kung paano siya dumating sa kwarto ko kagabi nang walang pahintulot, ay ganoon din naman siya nawala. I thought it will last until the morning. I was hoping to talk to him and patch things between us. Umalis siya ng may dahilan. Bakit hindi niya ako ginising para makapagpaalam siya? I'd like to share with his pain or atleast do something for him that would make him feel a little bit better. Iniwan niya akong muli, just like every summer. Tuwing aalis siya at hindi magpapaalam sa akin ng personal.