The Only Hope for Me is You-Frerard

20-Frank

 Being back with Gerard is like... It's like easing into a warm, soft bed after a long, hard day. It's like stepping into a warm house after being out in the snow. It's like having the best fantasy of your life, and then opening your eyes and realizing that it's happening right in front of you, that it's all real. It's like I finally have the piece of me that I've been missing for so long back, and after waiting for what seemed like forever, I am finally complete again.

After Bob is gone, things settle a little bit. The house gets a kind of soft quiet about it. I don't really know what's going to happen with the band, but that's not my main concern. I sense that the band will live on without him, anyways.

For a few days after what Bob did to Mikey, Mikey seems frail, fragile, and scared. He seems smaller than usual. But it's as though he grows as he heals, and I think Ray and Gee really help him through it. I wish I could be more helpful, but I do my best. And soon, his smile looks sincere again.

Gee seems to get a lot happier too. He dyes his hair bright red, reminding me of how he looked back in high school. I grow mine out a bit so that it almost hits my shoulders, so it can hide my face when I need it to.

Gee is recovering from addiction very well. He's my strong boy, and I love him very much. He's writing happier songs, songs that excite me, that are awesome to play on the guitar. And Mikey and Ray and I are all getting into it. There's suddenly a new vibe, full of excitement and rebellion.

The press finds out about us cutting Bob out of the band, and they're full of questions. I ask Mikey if he wants to press charges against Bob, but he says no. He says he doesn't want the media to find out about what happened. So, Gee suggests that we tell them we had "creative differences" with Bob Bryar. The media speculates about the bad blood between us, but their questions are always met with "it was creative differences" and eventually they let it go and start asking about our new album instead.

The only time the question gets asked again after that is when Bob starts harassing Mikey on the internet. Mikey refuses to block him though. He just ignores it, and when questioned, he grunts, "creative differences".

We also get asked about Bob's suicide attempt, which he supposedly admits to in an interview. But the band as a whole refuses to comment.

Mama Way drives down to California to see us. We all look forward to her visit, even Ray, because honestly, she's a wonderful woman. She pulls up in the car that belonged to Gee and me in high school. Originally, we had brought it to New York, but we had driven it back to New Jersey before we went to California. It gives me a little flutter in my chest to see it again, a feeling of love and infatuation and even lust. God, I have never not loved my car.

"You're looking at the car like you look at Gerard." Mikey jokes, nudging me as he walks past me on the porch. "Just remember that you can't fuck the car without some serious consequences. My brother on the other hand...well, buddy, remember that the walls are thin."

Gee steps outside, and Mikey says, "Speaking of which, Gee, do I have to get reminded how submissive you are every damn night?"

"Speaking of which?" Gee asks, looking at me in confusion.

I'm staring at the car again, and I snap out of it a little bit, but I can't stop smiling because of the damn car. I have so many memories inside. I remember the first day I met Gerard, and I was thinking that I had just spoken to the most beautiful man alive. I never thought he would love me, but for some reason, he did. I remember that first drive I took him on, him lying on the hood of the car, drawing me. I still have that drawing. It's on the wall, in a frame. I'll never forget that fateful day, the first day of the rest of my life. The first day that lead me to all of this.