“I am the person I am now because of you.”
4
“Hey, fatso, why are you still eating? Give me that!” Jack snagged my peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and ran back to the safe cocoon of his snickering friends. “You should lose some pounds, you fatso!”
“Yeah! You shouldn’t eat for a day!”
“No, a month!”
“Start starving yourself! Maybe then, you’ll be worthy of breathing the same air as us.”
The eyes of my ten year old self burned with tears. I stood my ground, glaring at them, but never opening my mouth. No, I wasn’t afraid of them. They were rude and mean, but they never touched me. They never hurt me. At least, they intended to, but they couldn’t hurt a girl who had come to accept what she truly is.
They were simply confirming what I knew. I was fat. I was ugly. Undesirable. I knew how disgusting I look, with my pale, freckled skin and my body that is too large for a kid my age. I was a freak who could never wear a cute dress or a pair of leggings, who would never look good even with all the make-up and the curlers in the world – because none of them would change who I am. Who I was.
Not even my mom would call me pretty, which in itself was a painful blow to my esteem. She was too engrossed with work, too busy keeping the family together even when it’s obvious that things were falling apart, and too much of a perfectionist to realize that I would never be her ideal daughter… even failing to consider that I was also a person with her own mind.
“C!” Warren yelled from the other side of the hall, arms waving at me, a dimpled smile adorning his face. “What are you doing there? I was waiting for you at our table! I’m famished!”
I put a smile and faced him with hands on my hips. As soon as he was within hearing range, I snorted at him. “Famished? Can you even spell that?”
“Of course! What do you take me for?”
His mischievous eyes told me that no, he couldn’t spell it, and I could only laugh as he started pushing me towards the cafeteria even though I was more than double his size. Warren was tall even for a boy, and given that he played baseball, his arms were strong. Yet he couldn’t even budge me an inch.
The temporary happiness that his presence brought vanished. What other proof do I need to emphasize how much an embarrassment I am to the human race?
“Hey, you, Evangelista!” Jack sneered at him. His tone was taunting. “You’re starting to smell like that stupid fatso. Planning to get infected with her ugliness?”
I gripped the hem of my shirt, knuckles white as my tears started to flow. Warren saw this and blocked me from their sight, arms on his side, and his back on me. “Bullying? And a girl? How low can you stoop, Welder?”
“Do you consider that pig a girl?”
“Should I consider you a girl?”
“Warren, stop it – “ I protested, but he ignored me and continued to fling insults to red-faced Jack.
“I bet my fart smells better than you both!”
“Oh, so you get high smelling your own stinky fart, Welder?”
Good thing that a teacher came before it escalated into a brawl. Like the cowards they're known for, Jack and his friends immediately left, but not without threats and dirty grins. I knew they would get worse over time. I hated that I was the reason Warren would get into trouble. He was a great boy, and he never deserved to be hated.
After the teacher shooed the spectators away, she turned to us and ordered us to immediately visit the principal’s office. As we waited outside the door, Warren faced me with a concerned gaze.
"Why didn't you tell me? How long have they been doing this to you?"
"I-It's okay."
"It's not okay!"
In a shaky voice, I asked, “Why?”
He raised a disbelieving brow. “Why? You're asking me why this is not okay?"
I shook my head. “Why are you still my friend? Jack is calling you a loser because you keep on hanging around me.”
“Are you for real?” he frowned with an eye roll. “I’m your friend because you are my friend. If you don’t understand that, you are an idiot.”
He patted my head and after the principal interrogated us, he led me back to the cafeteria, where he bought me two brownies and a grape juice.
"Eat," he ordered, "No matter what they say, I think you're cool the way you are."
“But I’m fat.”
“I should care because?”
His dark eyes never left mine, and I felt like the luckiest girl in the world for finding the one person who accepted me as me. Flaws included.
“Are you free later?” he asked excitedly after I got my books from my locker. Since the lunch incident, he had hovered around me like a FBI agent. “Do you want to come over?”
“I’m not sure. Why?”
“My cousin is babysitting me, and his friends are dropping by the house later. I heard that they play in a band or something and they have these awesome stuffs with them! One has this thing called a bio ring!”
“Bio-what?”
“It’s a guitar but he saws it with a stick!”
“You mean a violin,” I grinned, barely holding laughter. So cute!
“Whatever,” he pouted. “Point, we can mess with them since my parents aren’t home!”
I sighed. “I don’t know. I’m going to ask my momma. You know her. She doesn’t let me out of the house much.”
“Like you’ll get into an accident two blocks from home,” he chuckled at my mother’s paranoia about me being mugged or kidnapped if I stay away from the house too often or too long. “I’ll get her permission for you!”
“How?”
“Oh, trust me, C. Just trust me!”
I grinned at him as he led me towards our bus. I was hopping, humming and smiling, which were things I hadn’t done in a long time.
“Excited?”
An understatement, actually. I beamed at him. “You think they will let me touch the violin?”
Just a little peek about their past, so that you'll understand how important Warren is to Carla. She's brave even as a child, but even so, it felt nice knowing that someone has her back.
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