Don't Let Me Go. (Larry Stylinson)

Harry

I think I have found someone to make me happy. Her name is Taylor Swift. At least she keeps my mind off of Louis. It could be the liquor and pills I have been doing too. Who knows, all I know is that one of those is working. She seems like a nice girl. We don't see each other much as we are both super busy. So than maybe it is the liquor and pills making me feel better? I don't know.

I didn't want to start taking pills. It just happened. The first time I took them they made me numb to my feelings towards Louis, like in a daze. The pot does that but I can't work while high; with the pills I can function like a normal person. No one has suggested that I was taking pills so if it works what the hell right? 

I just don't understand how it came to this. We are so distant now. I never meant for this to happen. Honestly, Taylor is just a distraction from what I feel. I don't have real feelings towards her. I know who I am attracted to and that is Louis but I can't ever let that show.  Out of the two years of being in One Direction the only girl I have been with was Caroline Flack. No offence to her but that is when I realized where my heart told me to go. Of course it is to someone I can never have. It is not easy being around someone 24/7 and have to hold yourself back from just grabbing their face and kissing them passionately.

I just want to scream to the world that I love Louis Tomlinson but then he would hate me more then he already does. It is not like it matters. Maybe if I told him then all of this will go away because then I will know that he doesn't want me.

But what if he does want me and he just doesn't want to admit it. I never thought of that. What if I told him and he said it he loves me too? No one understands how much I love Louis, He is my life even if I will never be his. I can't see my life without him .

At night when I can't fall asleep I think about Louis. I think about what our life could be together. Where we would get married, our kids that we would probably adopt or get a surrogate. What our house would look like; everything about my future involves Louis. Does everyone have these thoughts about the one they love?

I try not to think about him but my mind always leads back to him. Trust me I have tried to forget about him. I wish I could, life would be easier and we could go back to being best friends. I don't know if I can deal with this much longer. It is killing me inside to watch him be with Eleanor. I constantly debate leaving One Direction just so I know he can be happy without me getting in the way.

Sadly the two options I have is to just come clean with Louis and tell him that I have loved him since the day we met and risk everything and just hope he feels the same, or I leave One Direction. If I left the fans would be so upset but I just can't be around him. One day I could slip up and blurt it out on live television not even thinking, A lot of things could go wrong. I just don't know what to do. Could Louis be in love with me?

Louis, Don't Let Me Go.