Don't Let Me Go. (Larry Stylinson)

Louis

He is so different now. Those sad eyes hurt looking into them. Why does he look this way? Every night he is out at a club and getting drunk. I never really talk to him anymore so I don't know what he's doing. When I try to talk to him he replies in short answers. How am I suppose to take that? I take it as he doesn't want to talk to me. I tried apologizing for what I said over twitter time and time again. Harry always says "don't worry about it. It is nothing." I don't believe him. This hate towards me started after that tweet. For the past week has been so awkward as we try to promote the new album.

I never asked for any of this shit. It was a tweet that meant nothing to me but obviously meant everything to him. Why did it hit him so hard? I don't understand. I wish Harry would talk to me. If I knew why, I could fix it. I guess he hasn't been talking to anyone about his personal problems because the other boys don't even know.  It is no use trying to talk to his sister. She wont tell me anything.

I am worried about Harry's health. It seems he is drunk every night. Our rooms are next to each other and I hear him stumble in drunk almost every night while we are in the hotel. Sometimes I hear a girls laugh or voice. Why do I feel a little bit jealous when I hear those soft voices. Maybe it is because I miss Eleanor. It seems to be deeper then that. I can't explain it. I want to be the reason for his happiness. Like back on The X Factor, that is all I want.

As I think these things I wonder if I am attracted to Harry. Sometimes when I look at Harry the whole world stops. All I see is him and his moves are slowed down. I don't get that when I look at Eleanor. I never have. What does that even mean? 

Could it be that I just have such a strong bond with Harry that I don't have with Eleanor? Do other people look at their best friend like that? In movies it is always the person they are attracted too; nothing is ever like the movies though. I wish I had someone to ask but I don't want to be judged.  I don't want people to get the wrong idea. I don't want Eleanor finding out and blowing things all out of proportion.

Eleanor is the one I want. At least... I think she is. Her and Hannah are the only girlfriends I have ever had. Maybe I need to explore more. Than I will know what i want.

Sure, I know it is okay to be gay.  I am not gay though, if I was I wouldn't have asked Eleanor out. Honestly Eleanor and I wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for Harry. If he doesn't like us together he only has himself to blame.  He shouldn't have brought her to that party that night.

As I look back at memories of Harry and I it was the happiest time of my life. I am just not sure what I want. What if I do share my, what I think is, feelings for Harry  and I make a fool out of myself because he doesn't see me that way.

I just have to show myself I am happy with Eleanor. She is who I want to have by my side.

It just seems like I am loosing my best mate over this girl. I can't have that.

Harry, Please. Don't let me go.