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Ch. 10

"I'm sorry what?" Reeds replied, taken back by what I said.

"My mom. I wish to find her." I repeated slowly.

"Okay. Why?" Reeds continued.

"When I was three she left. Just walked out. I want to see her and ask her why. Why she left exactly and why she didn't take me. Why did she think my shit head father would take good care of me? If she didn't want me then I know she doesn't want me now, but I still want to meet her." I explained.

"Okay. Watch your mouth please. Um. Do you think the lost of your mothers care and your dads lack of attention is the reason you act out?" She said writing that down.

"I don't know. Maybe. But I don't care that they weren't there for me." I stated.

"You don't care now. You've accepted that you don't need anybody to be there for you because your own parents, the people who should be there for you, weren't." She explained.

  That hit me hard. I've never thought of that.

Honestly I wanted to cry. I know my parents don't want me, but I love them so much.
I used to have a locket with a picture of me and mom on one side and me and dad on the other. I wore it all the time, never did it ever come off.
Until one day ...
I was at the park and got into a fight with these guys. The locket broke. I heard it hit the ground, but I was too caught up in the fight I didn't pick it up. Eventually, the guys left and i tried looking for it.
I never found it ...
I remember crying myself to sleep at the park because I couldn't find it.
  I never said anything back to Mrs.Reeds. I was too caught up in my thoughts and trying not to cry in front of her. I've never cried in front of anybody. I hate feeling small and weak.

"I see we've hit a weak spot. I will try my best to locate your mom for you, but no promises yet okay? What was her name?" She said preparing to write her name.

"Samantha Lynn Morton. Unless she's remarried." I stated looking down at my hands. I couldn't look at her.

"Lynn. That's your middle name isn't it?" Reeds said.
That's when I looked up. She looked at me with such sympathy. Why'd you have to say that?

I broke. Tears started to pour out of my eyes. I ran inside and up to my room, ignoring Mark and Ethan asking what was wrong. I jumped onto my bed face down and cried into my pillow. I couldn't help it, I really missed my mom. A lot more than I really thought I did.
Although I was crying I still heard Mrs.Reeds telling Mark and Ethan that'd shed be back next Wednesday, and to give me some space right now. They didn't listen to that last part though.
After the front door shut, I heard them come upstairs. They came into my room and I felt them lay on both sides of me. I think Ethan was on my left because I felt a hand on my back and it felt similar to when he put his hand on my shoulder last night.
They didn't talk to me until I had called down.
When I had calmed down they said that I didn't have to explain anything to them until I was ready. By now I've already done the one thing I swore to myself I wouldn't do, cry in front of people, so what would be the big deal now? So I'll tell them.
I rolled over to lay on my back and I stared at the ceiling. I couldn't look at them in the face.

"I told Reeds that I want to find my mom." I said.

Mark and Ethan sat up and crossed their legs, so I sat up too. But I still wouldn't look at them so I looked down at my bed.
They didn't say anything so I continued talking.

"Reeds said that the reason I act out is because I've accepted the fact that I can be on my own because my parents never cared for me, or something like that. She also said that she'd try to find her, but no promises. I really miss my mom." I said and tears started to flow again.

Mark and Ethan brought me into a hug, but still didn't say anything. They just let me cry it out.