Chasing Muses (#Wattys 2016)

Dad

Those turbulent occasions in the past have caused quite a few dents. Though all I carry is your voice - distance masking facial expressions and veiled emotions - I can make things out... you know?

"I hear something happened." I would say.

You'd reply, "Who told you?"

"I have my sources of course." This offered with my cheeky chuckle.

Yet I also understand I have my job to do like you have yours. The best thing I can hope is to ensure I don't mess up again at my end.

Over the years I have greeted you on this day but never managed giving you a card... most times.

I confess: I've tried to search for cards but alas in vain - for I'd never found the right words in those offerings and did not yet have faith in my ability to pen these words then. So occasions where I might have failed to express my thoughts to you in speech - I never etched those words down either.

This time it's different.

Effects taking place where you contemplate... ponder from time to time - wondering if the choices made were the right ones? Worries you carry veiled by smiling, positive greetings over the phone.

"So what are you up to Dad?" I'd ask.

A cheerful tone, "Nothing son, just work in the office - you know, the usual" But I would catch the tiredness in your voice.

When, you fulfill my selfish wishes? I know too well my being an idiot and persisting, demanding at the wrong times - but you never look at situations this way, for all you care about is my happiness?

"Dad I want those two racquets!" Demanding, even though you'd already bought me three.

No pause from you, no hesitation, "Okay, place the order then, no problems betu."

And am I not the same? Do I not care and worry for you the same way? Maybe times I never show it or act as if I don't know - things - but I keep an eye on everything.

"Tell me, what happened today dad?" I would ask.

And you dodging the question saying, "We will discuss it some other day perhaps."

Knowing well you are wanting to push troubling thoughts aside... reluctance... I pick up and then must ask - worrying you won't share this "other day"

Conversations wait for us on my return - discussions I aspire we both can share without held-back hesitancy. For in the end you do mean everything to me and I want to be there for you... like you're there for me, time after time.

So here's to the days ahead and merrier memories made in the process, as I wish you:

"Happy Father's Day, Dad."