Listen to me.

chapter 5

4:30 p.m 

alex POV 

The time leading up to the second meeting with Sam was uncomfortable to say the least. The first challenge was ordering my drink, a Caramel Apple Spice and the Barista, Jessica spelling my name wrong, how hard is it to spell a four letter name was not exactly helping my nervousness.The next questionable task was following Sam in a stalker-ish way that made me look like slender man to onlookers .I finally found her looking through a collection of scarves in a display called "Falling for Fall" . Right now we are sitting cross legged with our knees touching in a quieter area of the store. I feel comfortable even in silence with a person I barely know.

"So . . . you want me to interview you first?" she breaks the silence .

She' doesn't care about you , you loser

"Yeah, sure, go ahead"

Umm, what is your favorite color?, do you have a dog?, Boxers or Briefs-s? She asks with her eyes on the floor with a smile where you can see her teeth. I giggle at her at her sarcasm, "no it's not like that, lil bean" My eyes widen at the nickname that slipped out of my mouth but Sam seems unfazed " Did I just call you a "lil bean" I'm so sorry"

You've ruined your chances forever

"No, it's okay , I like that name , My friend calls me tha- well she used to call me that". I see her swallow a lump in her throat and she stares at the ceiling, I know what this means . Much of my life has been devoted to trying not to cry in front of people, so I knew what Sam was doing. You clench your teeth. You look up . You tell yourself that if they see you cry, it will hurt them and that if you cry in front of them, you will be nothing but a sadness in their lives, and you must not become a mere sadness, so you will not cry, and you say all of this to yourself while looking up at the ceiling and then you swallow the lump even though your throat does not want to close, regain yourself, look the person in the eyes and smile like everything is alright.

Wow man, that was an emotional mess, just like you

Do want to talk about it?, I say in a calming tone while gingerly placing my hand in hers to try to sooth her, her hand is shaking.

Umm . . maybe later, it that ok ?, she answers my question with another question

"No problem. Here, I have an idea. Instead of diving head first in our deepest darkest secrets , let's just talk" I change the subject so we don't have to sit in this sadness laced silence.

"About what?", Sam's eyebrows knit together, she probably thinks I'm insane.

You are

"Anything and everything" I say , similar to what a circus ringleader would say to an audience to keep their attention.

"Ok , I'll start, I'm Sam, not Samantha , I never wear matching sock and I'm terrified of heights" she lists

"ok , me next, I'm Alex, not Alexander, I wear beanies , I've been call tall and I'm also terrified of speaking to a group of more than two people"

I can help, but it may not be very helpful

How?, I've tried everything and I still end up messing it up

No one can help you , your stuck like this and saying that you "mess up " is a huge understatement

Well , I'm not a professional but you could try writing a small paragraph and then reading it to yourself in a mirror

"Wow , that is actually really helpful , thank you"

"My pleasure, Tall bean" she responds with a nose scrunch

"Well played, young Jedi , well played" I comment on her response

"But what if that doesn't work" I speak to her as my mind searches through it's many files, to the worst possible scenario that could happen when I present in two weeks.

Are you kidding, now you just sound desperate

"Don't worry about too much, you'll be fine, I believe in you" she replies and my heart swells. She believes in me, wow.

We talk so much that my brain is numb with new information about this girl and I don't notice that my head is in her lap and she is playing with my hair.

"I hate to break this to you, but it is almost 6:30 at night and my parents will flip if they find out that I have been doing nothing for the past 2 hours, they'll freak out even more when they know I was with a boy." Sam says with a small pout , drawing our thrilling conversation to a close. I don't want her to go, I want to stay here forever and talk and laugh and cherish it again

My legs are numb when stand up and stretch for the first in 2 and half hours. Sam yawns while, trying, to stand up. She kind of looks like a drunk sloth, in all dear respect of course. "hey , do you want to exchange number so I can get some more info, mystery man" she asks with a cheesy smirk. "Yea, sure , no problem, here's my phone" I say while we switch phones to enter the digits. She hands me back my phone, Her contact name is just the turtle emoji and the contact photo is a derpy photo of her she must have taken while I wasn't paying attention.

When the process is all done she leans into me and wraps her arms around my skinny torso and whispers "so long partner" into my baggy sweatshirt and after 10 seconds of steady breathing, she lets go " thank you , I needed that"she says to me while staring at the floor. No one has ever thanked me for being myself. At my school you would get an eye roll , if anything. No one cares about you unless you have money or your hot.

"My pleasure" I croak out as I feel tears prick in my eyes.