Listen to me.

chapter 6

1: 40 a.m

Sam

Week 2 - Monday

The duvet of my bed sticks to my sweat slicked chest as my lungs struggle to function. The tears previously split in my nightmare soak my pillow and lay uncomfortably cold under my head. I hear Her whispering in my ears "It's all you fault that I'm gone, you're worthless". The room feels unfocused and is spinning like a Disney teacup ride. I feel dizzy and a hint of nauseous with the ever present thought of how much I wouldn't care if my heart stopped beating right now.

My parents don't know anything about my usual late night anxiety attacks and don't care about trying to help me. The last time I tried to explain what is wrong with me by putting it into 3rd person , they said the person was psycho and needed serious help.

Come on , stop complaining , people around the world have it way worse than you

Things have been growing between me and Alex. He texts me every morning, asking me how I'm feeling , of course I have to lie and say that I'm ok.

The rest of the days in home room approaching holiday break have been spent with pairs working together, writing and asking emotion triggering questions. So far I haven't learn't anything major about him, I hope I find something interesting that makes me look as intelligent to classmates as possible.

9:30 a.m- Sam

My legs remain completely still as as I tap away at the school's worn down desktop keys in the library. Alex is sitting beside me tapping away on the keys of his computer. What is he typing about me? , I'm not that interesting,he's the more interesting one. He's been so helpful this week. I may not sound like much but he makes me laugh and smile, something I haven't done in a long time.

My eyes divert my computer screen where I sofar have 10 paragraphs about the meaning of his first and last name, it means nothing to me, it's not personal. I feel the urge to select the entire document and delete it but look over to see Alex's smile as his keys tap slower than his thoughts and I decide against it. I hate to it but ,this project is all for him , he so funny and kind and treats me better than I should be treated. I am the one to have benefited from this project.

9:31 a.m- Alex

My leg bounces relentlessly as I tap away at the school's worn down desktop keys in the library. Sam is sitting beside me tapping away on the keys of her computer. What is she typing about me? , I'm not that interesting, she's the more interesting one. She's been so kind to me this week. She makes me laugh and smile, something I haven't done in a long time of this awful school.

My eyes divert my computer screen where I sofar have 10 paragraphs about some general knowledge about her, it means nothing to me, it's not personal. I feel the urge to select the entire document and delete it but look over to see Sam's smile as her keys tap slower than her thoughts and I decide against it. I hate to it think like this but ,this project is all for her , she's so funny and kind and treats me better than I should be treated. I have not benefitted from this project, in the least ignorant sounding way possible .