Life lessons and for the many more to come

4

It wasn't the first day of school that I saw him. It wasn't the first month, it wasn't even first semester. It was when I was too late.

I think I made you up inside my head,

but I wanted so hard for you to be true

Even though I may not really know you

My first instinct is to say that I don't remember when, why, or how I started to feel this way about him. All I know is that one day I just did.

He looked like an apparition. He appeared in my dreams with his back against my chest. An air of playful innocence between us. We laid side by side with the television playing in the background, reveling in the newfound appreciation we had for each others' presence.

There's nowhere I'd rather be than in your arms tonight.

I thought I had him pegged, but I had only scratched the surface. Excitement ran through my veins at the sight in front of me. Every day we saw each other I looked forward to the minimal contact we would have. Casual glances, sharp words said with smiles on our faces and laughter following soon after. Teasing, suggesting, it felt like a drug and I was becoming addicted. I'd do anything to see him smile and know that I was the cause of it. He'd do anything to get me to laugh, which wasn't hard. I laughed at anything he said because what words I lacked, laughter filled in the gaps.

Hopeful eyes whenever we passed in the halls, but nothing. I tried my hardest to know him, to be with him. I don't know if he tried his hardest. My eyes almost always met empty space when I threw empty words in his direction. Anything to get his attention, anything to help me deduce his feelings for me.  Although, I don't think either of us knew what we wanted. Unconsciously we avoided each other outside of class. 

There was so much potential for us to be something good and playful. The last day I ever saw him led up to everything we had built. One last hug filled with tears threatening to spill and a playful quip to make me laugh.

I'll never find the right words to say to you.