Against Me

Chapter 19

Lila's outfit for the day up at the top^^^

Lila POV
I wake up to see that someone has their arms wrapped around me. I have my arms wrapped around that person also. I sigh, smile, and just lay there,my head on this person's bare chest, with my eyes closed, comfortable. That is until I finally realized that I was this close to a guy. I quickly open my eyes and look up to see Ross sleeping with light snores leaving his mouth. He looked so peaceful and cute when he's sleeping. In a brotherly way of course. I look down at our bodies and see his arms are wrapped tightly around me, while mine are wrapped around his stomach with my head on his chest. I looked down at our legs to see that they are tangled with each other. So basically we are too close to each other.

I quietly untangled my legs from his. I lifted my head up of of his chest and unwrapped my arms from around his stomach. Then came the hardest part;I had to unwrap his arms from around me. It took me about 5 minutes but I was able to remove his arms from around me. I then very quietly and carefully climbed over him to get out of bed. Once I finally got out of bed,I looked back at him,to see him stirring around. I froze and held my breath hoping that I didn't wake him up. Then he stopped moving and just stayed still. I sighed in relief.

I went to my suitcase and pulled out my outfit for today. Since Ross is asleep,I decided to leave my clothes on his dresser,so that they don't get wet while I'm showering in his bathroom. And then when I'm done I can quickly come out and grab my clothes then come back in and change.

When I went in the bathroom,I took off my clothes and hopped in the shower. After I washed my body and my hair I jumped out. I wiped off the mirror and looked at myself. I feel so ugly,so fat,all in all I just feel hideous.

See,this is why I picked the outfit that I picked. I picked out a white jersey that is kinda of like a crop top with the number 85 on it,a pair of denim shorts and a beanie that says 'Whatever' on it. I haven't worn that outfit in a long time because it shows my stomach and too much of my legs and lets just say that it shows to much skin. I could never where that without thinking I look like an ugly,fat pig. I'm just too insecure. And the beanie that says 'Whatever' is to show that I don't care what people think about me,it's just you know..whatever. But that's obviously not true because I do care about what people think of me.

I know that I have gone swimming in a bikini, and that shows a lot of skin. But that's a bikini its supposed to be that way, and even when I did go swimming I still felt insecure I just tried hiding it. But this time it's my choice,I am gonna be walking around like this all day.
So I decided it was time to go get my clothes. I opened the bathroom door to see Ross,sitting up in bed,now fully awake. He directed his attention to me.

He gasped, "Whoa!"he quickly looked away.
I looked down and noticed I was naked. I shrieked and rushed back in the bathroom with my cheeks brought red. I was too embarrassed to even put on a towel and go out there. Ugh I thought that he was still sleeping. I heard a knock.

"Lila,are you okay?"I heard him ask.
"I don't know?What do you think?"I mumbled my back pressed against the door with a tear rolling down my face from embarrassment. "Lila,listen you are gonna crack open the door a little so that I can throw your clothes in, you are gonna change and then you are gonna come out like none of this happened. Plus we still need to talk about what I found you holding in your old house,"he demanded me. I cracked the door open and he threw my clothes in.

I quickly put my undergarments on, then I put my shorts on. Before I put my shirt on I looked in the mirror at my stomach. I frowned. I still feel fat. I slipped on my shirt.

I wouldn't be feeling like this if it weren't for all those years that my dad tortured me he made me like this when he would call me fat and ugly all the time. Sometimes he would even tell me that I should keep cutting and...he would even hold me down and cut me himself sometimes, but that hasn't happened in awhile.