It Takes As Long As It Takes

Chapter Seven

Clarke glanced at her watch as she hurried across the busy intersection. She was running late to her brunch date with Raven and Octavia. Again. But she had a reason for it this time. She had been showing a potential client some of her art pieces and he had more questions than she expected. She finally reached the restaurant and spotted the two of them sitting outside on the patio. When the hostess approached, she pointed towards their table and mouthed "my friends" as she continued to walk to them.

"Sorry I'm late, guys. I was held up with a client," she said as she dropped her bag into the empty chair next to the one where she sat.

She could see from the looks on their faces that they hadn't seen her coming. She saw them share a look with each other before Octavia cleared her throat and spoke. "No problem, Clarke. We got your text."

Raven nodded and added, "We just ordered some drinks. Here, take a look at the menu. Everything sounds really good." Raven hands her one of the menus before quickly looking away. Clarke noted that both girls were suspiciously avoiding eye contact with her, with Raven feigning renewed interest in the menu, and Octavia rummaging through her purse for some unknown object.

"Were you two just talking about me?" Clarke asked, finally.

They shared another guilty look.

"We were just talking about how you were doing." Raven gave her a small, guilty, forgive-us grin.

"Guys, you don't have to walk on eggshells around me. Lexa and I . . . we broke up over three months ago. I've broken down in front of both of you, separately and together, I think enough times for the rest of my life. So I'm fine now."

They both looked at her, incredulous.

After Lexa left, Clarke had withdrawn into herself even more than she had after the accident. Her previous months of emotional turmoil while battling her guilt from being around Lexa had already left her drained and numbed, and the loss of Lexa just magnified that. She became a shell of even post-accident Clarke, staying in her apartment during most of the day, painting anything and everything. But she couldn't bear to sleep in the apartment at night, when the quiet of the city was too much for her. So she started sleeping over at her friends' homes. Mostly Raven's, because she lived closer and wasn't living with anyone, like Octavia was. Sometimes, in the middle of some of those nights, when she was sleeping in Raven's bed, the weight of her situation would come crashing down on her, suddenly, unexpectedly, and cause her such distress that try as she might (so as not to wake her friend), she could not hold in her sobs. The first time it happened, Raven tried to talk her through it, but Clarke was just so overwhelmed with the gravity of it all that no words could come out. As it happened more and more often, Raven took to just wrapping her arms around her and holding her close until she cried herself to sleep.

But the distance from Lexa, while painful, did provide Clarke the time and space she needed to heal from Wells' death. She no longer relived the accident as often as she had before, and was even able to begin talking to others about him. She felt the guilt wear off, slowly, but surely, until soon, recalling memories of Wells became a happy occurrence instead of a pain-stricken experience. She felt her mind healing even as her broken heart continued to ache.

About eight weeks after the breakup, she finally flew to Wells' hometown to visit his grave. She hadn't been able to bring herself to do that yet since the accident. She stayed there for hours, cleaning up the weeds that had grown around his tombstone, laying down bright flowers that matched his bright personality. She brought him a knight chess piece, his favorite piece, from the old chess board set they grew up playing with, and buried it in the dirt next to his tombstone. She talked to him about everything. She recounted happy childhood memories they shared together, and told him how his family was doing. She told him about the guilt she felt after his death. She told him about what happened with Lexa, how she lost the love of her life, and how she hoped Lexa would be able to find someone who could make her happy. She told him how, despite the short amount of time they spent together, Lexa had really liked him and how, if he got to spend more time with her, he would surely have love her as much as Clarke did. She told him she missed him, but promised to visit whenever she could.