Player of the Game

Anonymous Club (Courtney Barnett)

Jhoana.

At exactly 6AM, we were called out for a huddle. 

Kasama kong mag-ttrain ang iba't iba pang players mula sa ibang colleges: sina EJ Laure and Ria Meneses from University of Sto. Tomas, Myla Pablo and Jaja Santiago from National Uniersity, Tin Agno from Far Eastern University, and Etchel Soltones from San Sebastian College-Reccoletos de Manila. And of course our very own lady eagles: Ate Aly- our team captain, Jia, Ate Ella and Bea. We even have a guest player under our name, si Risa Sato. 

I know it's not going to be easy. Lalo pa na even before the schedule of the training has been announced, nagkagulu-gulo na ang iba't ibang volleyball institutions. Mostly because of politics daw.

As many of you have heard, maraming kilala at magagaling na volleyball players ngayon ang hindi makakasama sa lineup because of some feud between the Philippine Volleyball Federation (PVF) and Larong Volleyball sa Pilipinas, Inc. (LVPI). Many said it was a matter of loyalty kaya those players weren't able or simply chose not to attend the tryout for U23 Asian Championship Games. 

While me? I got lucky. Initially, hindi naman talaga ako kasama sa lineup. Pero dahil some backed out- not entirely because of political reasons some because of personal reasons- I was called out as a replacement. 

I remember when I was interviewed a few days ago. I was at the Cervini cafeteria having my usual brunch with Ate Ella and Jia. I was asked for a sit-down interview. I remember being asked kung na-bother ba raw ako dahil replacement lang ako. I answered no. Because honestly, if I was feeling anything at the moment it was everything but that. I was truly thrilled and with utmost gratitude that I was chosen.

Sa loob ng dalawang taon, palagi lang ako sa Team B. Then suddenly, kakatukin ako ng tadhana para mapasama sa roster ng mga manlalaro na rerepresenta sa Pilipinas at lalaban sa iba't ibang bansa- fuck about being just a replacement, I am now part of this team. 

Uulitin ko 'yung sinabi ko doon sa interview. I promise to do my best basta mabigyan ako ng chance na makapasok. Lahat ng best ko ibibigay ko. 

Kaya heto ako ngayon, patiently listening to Coach Parley. We're at the Blue Eagle Gym for the orientation. Pep talk before the warm ups. Katabi ko sina Jia and Ate Ella. Awkward lang kasi parang hindi naman sila masayang kasama ako rito. 

"Ate Ella, 'di ba crush mo dati si Ria Meneses? Tingnan mo, oh, nakatingin s'ya sa direksyon na 'to." Pabulong kong pang-aasar sa kanya. 

"'Wag ka ngang maingay. Makinig ka sa sinasabi ni Coach Parley." Saway n'ya sa akin habang pinipilit n'yang hindi ako tingnan. Kunwari ka pa si Donya Ella. Akala n'ya siguro hindi ko napansin na ang laki ng ngiti n'ya habang tinitingnan si Ria.

"Ang cute mo magka-crush, Donya." Nangingiting dagdag ko. 

"Mas cute ka magka-crush, patago." Darn it. Bakit tinatamaan agad ako? Uulitin ko na naman ba na wala ngang malisya 'yon? 

Hindi ko sinasadya pero napabaling ang tingin ko kay Jia. Nagulat akong makitang nakatingin din s'ya sa akin- marahil pinapanood ang palitan namin ni Ate Ella. Gusto ko sanang magsimula ng conversation pero hindi ko magawa. Somehow, sa hindi ko maipaliwanag na dahilan, pakiramdam ko, nagsisinungaling ako sa kanya-na no'ng tinanong n'ya ako kanina kung bakit hindi ko masabi nang maluwag at maamin ang tungkol sa pagiging magka-text namin ni Bea ay hindi ako nakasagot. 

I've been asking myself the same question since yesterday and it has never felt so real and puzzling until Jia spoke it out. Siguro nga na-gguilty ako kasi pakiramdam ko may kinukuha akong hindi akin. 

Ibinaling ko na lang ang atensyon ko pabalik sa coach namin, by this time si Coach Tai na ang nagsasalita. He's saying something about the four noble truths of the success in women's volleyball: Heartstrong, Unity, Happiness and Belief that you can do. He has always been reminding us those lalo na during trainings.