Play of Fate [COMPLETED]

Chapter 28

RJ's POV

For once in your life, did you ever wish you could go back in time? Either to just relive a moment or correct a mistake? Have you ever wanted to escape? Escape and forget the harsh truths waving frantically before your face? Did you ever wish that you'd just wake up, living a different life, in a different body, just so you don't have to face the things you were dreading when you fell asleep?

Because I do.

For the past 21 years of my existence, I have always lived a pretty normal, fun, steady life. I grew up in a family bonded by faith in God and love. Me and my siblings have always been comfortable - getting what we need and want without batting an eyelash. I never experienced a tragic event. Plus I've good friends, I am *ehem* good-looking, with girls running after me all the time (literally and figuratively), and I'm pretty smart. Aside from the occasional petty fights and girl problems, I have always been happy and contented. If you asked me before about the one thing that I'd change in my life, I would probably answer that I wish for my parents to not work in the province and just be with me, Jake, and Val. Then again, nobody can't have anything - and that is the only thing that I've wanted so bad.

But that was before.

Before everything came crumbling down right before my own eyes, not being able to do anything even just to save one minute aspect of my once happy life.

You'd probably say that this is an exaggeration, but it's not. Because ever since Maine decided to avoid me, I have felt nothing but emptiness in my life.

I never wanted any of this. I never wanted, nor begged, Maine to fall for me. I, myself, tried my very best to keep myself from doing so, despite our closeness, despite the fact that Maine is everything I've always dreamt of falling in love with. I guarded myself because I did not want to add anything between us except the friendship that I always wished to last a lifetime.

But that's just me. And I can only protect my own heart, dictate what it should and shouldn't feel.

If only I could do something to take away the pain I've caused her, I would do it in a heartbeat. Because just like Jerald, Sam, and Jake, I have always had this strong urgency to protect Maine from anything that might hurt her. I still feel that way, I just don't know how I could protect her from me.

I did not want to admit it, or show it to my friends, and although a big part of me recognizes my fault, I still can't help but feel that the people around me, our friends, are being unfair.

Yes, Maine is love with me. Yes, Maine is hurting because of me. Yes, Maine is avoiding the group because I'm part of it. Yes, I failed to see that she has feelings for me. Yes, I am blind and dense and stupid. But what I do not really understand is why I am getting all the blame for this.

Our friends get pissed at me for having no concrete plan. They get disappointed that I get disheartened because of Maine's reaction. They get protective over Maine, but they never considered what I am feeling about this whole thing. Never did they once asked how I feel, what my plans are, how I am for the sole reason that they care about me, too. They ask because they hate seeing Maine cry. They say they don't want to take sides, but with the way they're acting, they obviously do.

I get it, I can't blame them for feeling and acting as such because the other person involved in this is a girl. Naturally, they'll want what's best for her, they'll look out for her first. I understand that, but sometimes, I cannot help but wish that one of them will also think about me, too. That they'd remember that the other person in this mess is their friend, too.

It's been almost a week since I last talked to any of them - including my siblings. I avoid them because I'm trying to be in peace, think about what I should do. I can't afford having them behind me, nagging me to do whatever I want (but it's actually obvious what they really want me to do).

Val's right. This is really exhausting. Especially when you're pressured to do something that you are not even sure if you want to do it.

I ignored all their messages and calls, their invitation to go out. I only come out of my room in the wee hours of the morning, and then come back really late. I even ignored Je's message saying that Tito Jose wants to talk to me. What the hell am I supposed to do, right? I am so confused right now and facing the father of Maine, without having a decision, will only complicate things.

Don't get me wrong. I like Maine. I really do. I'm sure of it. What I am not certain of is if i really want to pursue what I'm feeling for Maine. I don't know if this feeling is worth sacrificing our friendship for. Yes, I know that our friendship if non-existent right now, but I'm pretty sure we will get pass this and salvage our friendship. But if I work on what I'm feeling for her, I am afraid that one day, it will blow up, end our future relationship and even the friendship what we've built for the past years will also be gone.

And I don't like that to happen.

I value our friendship so much that I'd rather see her move on, and be happy without me, as long as I know that what we used to have will be with us for a very long time.

Are you getting confused now? Do you understand now what I am going through? Do you see where I am coming from?

This has become so complicated. I wish I could go back two years ago, when she told me she loved me. I wish I could have changed the part where I kissed her and told her that I feel the same. I wished I could change the part where I told her I'll break up with Julie for her. I wish I could have seen that her feelings for me never disappeared. I wish I could have done something before this whole thing exploded into a mountain of chaos, and pain.

I wish I could go back in time to change everything that caused what is happening now.

I wish I could.

But I can't.

And I hate it.

---

RJ stood up from the swing he's been on for hours now. He walked to where his bike is, mounted it and absentmindedly pedaled to the direction of their house. He is still contemplating of what he should do. Thinking if the decision he came up with is the right one.

He turned to the corner, mind elsewhere, that he didn't see a girl wearing a black fitting sando, yellow leggings, and running shoes running towards him. Her hair is in a high ponytail, head slightly moving to the tune of whatever she is listening to. RJ abruptly pulled the break when he heard a squeal, almost sending him flying off his bike if he did not quickly use his foot to balance him.

RJ looked at the girl, worry in his eyes, to check if she was hurt. He expected him to be glaring at her, and readied his ears for the berate he'll surely get for being stupid. But what he did not expect is the strong pounding of his heart when he realized who is the girl he almost run over his bike. He took a sharp breath, making her look at him, and she too seemed surprise as her jaw dropped open, several emotions dancing in her eyes.

He hasn't seen her this close for months now and his heart constricted when he felt how much he missed her.

He bowed his head, scratched the back of it and raised his eyes to hers, giving her a small, shy smile.

"Maine."

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A/N: Sabaw update. This is just a filler. Sorry na. 😭
*type type type publish*