Letters Unsent

Nineteen (OF)

Dear old friend,

I knew for a month. A month. I knew exactly what I was doing and the worse part you did too. I thought I was over this. I thought I was okay, but I'm not. I'm not because I still think about you. I still replay everything, every word, every fight, everything. I think about you and sometimes I miss it. I miss fighting and feeling like it was worth it. I wish I could have been different but, I know I'm not. I'm know I'm just another page. That's all I'm worth; a page or two. Why? You didn't love me. We didn't love each other not the way we thought we did. Not the way we should have.
The funny thing is I only want to be a page or two in your book. I wanna know that what we went through and what we did was worth mentioning but not worth a chapter because I wanna be the girl that reminds you that you deserve better. I wanna be someone that showed you deserve the amazing things in life. I don't wanna be that sad chapter you look through at times. I hope I was. I hope I showed you that you are worth more then what you got. Almost six months. You meant so much to me and honestly you still mean something to me. It's just I wanna stop getting upset when I see your name on my phone. I wanna stop feeling the way I do about you. Then again part of me knows I'm not mad at you I'm mad at myself because I know what I did. I knew what I was doing.
One day you won't remind me. One day you'll read my page and you won't cry. One day you won't read my page cause you'll be to busy writing a better one. One day I'll fully forget. One day I won't remember the fights and the things that weren't important. I'll only remember the time I held you close and thought I'd never let go. I'll remember the times it was just us. I'll remember just the syrup and how it got on the couch, or the tee shirt that was way to big. I'll only remember the amazing times and I'll hope they treat you better then I ever did.

Sincerely, One day