Shadowed (z.m)

1.

"If I should stay..."

Oh, no. Not this crap again.

"I would only be in your way.."

Yes you would so move.

"So I'll go,"

Great!

"But I know, I'll think of you every step of the way.."

My hand slammed down on the radio making the song stop. If I hear those words one more time I will lose it. I'm not joking, I'll get sent to a home for phycos. It's just an old, over played break up song that I've listened to way too many times. Gripping the steering wheel I made a turn to the left seeing that shop. Can't they just sell it or something? I'm sick of seeing it and it can't possibly be that successful that it needs to stay for much longer. It's a bloody corner shop, don't they change those every two months? Except this one feels the need to be the same FOREVER. God, I need rest... I pulled up to my home and a sigh of relief left my mouth. I don't much like leaving the comfort of my home and not being seen by anyone. Stepping inside, I removed my coat and jogged upstairs. Closing my door behind me I leant on it, staring at the calendar on the wall opposite me. Over two years. That bastard has made it hard for me to leave my own house for two years and over that. He's gone, not here anymore, I told myself. I threw myself on my bed, pulling my phone out of my pocket and logging onto Facebook.

It was everywhere.

It was impossible to get away from now that he's back with her. And how it's 'wonderful news' and that 'they belong together'. Biggest. Lie. Ever. Frustration took over and I threw my phone across the room groaning angrily. My emotions were so mixed about the whole thing and I was sick of always feeling like that. Was I happy that they were back together so that people here would forget about me? I'm pretty sure people will never forget about it. Was I jealous of her? No. Was I sad that he's moved on? No. Can't he just be wiped off the face of the earth. It would make everything so much easier. There was a small knock on the door and mums head appeared in the door way.

"Is everything okay, honey?" She asked, coming into my room completely, taking a seat on my bed.

"Does everything look okay?" I asked bitterly, covering my face with my forearms.

"I know it's about him. Why do you keep letting it get to you?" She sighed, brushing some hair out of my face when I'd removed my arms. Why do I let it get to me?

"Because it made me known as 'the Bradford bitch' and I still get looks and can practically hear people whispering skank as I walk by." He ruined my life. Well, most people say I ruined her life but it was him ruining mine. They're back together which is wonderful and I'm still stuck here as the bitch and skank who ruined her life.

"We both know that you're not a bitch or a skank, you just made a mistake. You're human, it happens." My mum's peaceful view on everything made my life's biggest mistake seem like a small bump in the road.

"It is just a bump in the road."

Did I say that aloud? And it's not just a bump in the road, it's always going to be there and it's what I'll be known for here. I should've ran and yet I stayed knowing how bad it really was. When I leave, I'm never coming back.

"No, it's not. I'm always going to be the one who ruined the perfect couple." I mutter and sit up, running a hand through my hair. "Do you think he hates me?"

"No. Maybe in the beginning but he can only blame himself. But I don't think he hates you now, I actually think he'd be glad to see you moved on." She emphasised 'moved on' which is exactly what I haven't done. Gee, thanks for that mum.

"Oh, and by the way. He was the one who ruined that perfect couple. Plus they're back together so it shouldn't matter." She smiled, caressing my cheek. "What's happened can't be changed and it's in the past. If you don't focus on the road and keep looking back, all you're gonna do is hit bumps and in the end crash." With that she kissed my forehead and left me with my thoughts.

If they're coming back for summer, I'll die. I'll probably die if I see him again. Die or swoon. No, die. I hate him. I mentally slap myself for being like all the typical girls moping over a guy, I'm not that girl and he's not worth moping about. See, I always think this way but then again I'm too weak to always think like this and the way people look at me makes it difficult to be strong. After it got out, I lost all my friends and all my popularity that I'd worked so hard for. My grades went up but mum thinks friends and a happy life are more important than an A+ printed on a piece of paper. Bless her heart. Dad would make jokes about how he didn't have to worry about me bringing home boys anymore. I knew he meant well but it only hurt more.

At least the summer holidays start in a week. More time for me to hide from the public? That's what the last two summers had been like but not this one. I would be packing my bags and then leave for New York. Getting into Uni there was the escape I needed, the do-over I've been waiting two years for. But yet I still have to get through three months until that do-over and trust me, a lot can happen in three months. Mum's gonna be sad to see me go, so's Christy, my younger sister. Not that much younger. She's fifteen, I'm eighteen.

I got up from my bed, walking over to the list of things I needed for New York that was hanging next to my calendar. So far the list consisted of one word.

'Nothing.'

I don't want to bring anything. I want to leave it all behind. I wasn't joking when I said I wanted a new start. Of course mum won't let me go without anything but sentimental stuff I'd like to leave behind. Everything reminds me of this place, which is what I don't want. Also what I wanted before I went was a new style. Throw away all my hoodies and unflattering t-shirts. That mistake changed me a lot. I lost all my confidence, stopped doing my make up, stopped buying the designer clothes that once graced my body, I haven't cut my hair for ages. Stuff like that. People were shocked with the change considering my family was one of the wealthiest in Bradford. It certainly didn't look like it looking at me. It was pretty much me giving up, laying down on the ground saying 'here kick me'. That's what I did. If you would've have asked me what I'd done three years ago, I'd say, not joking

"I wouldn't care. I'd own it and strut my stuff like always. No boy can get me like that."

No joke. It would've been the coolest thing ever if I'd done that, yet I didn't. I gave up on my reputation and gaining back my friends.

"Okay," I said to myself, standing in the middle of my room. "What do I need to do?"

I need to get a new me. It shouldn't be too hard. Away with the depressing sock that was once me. I now need to be more outgoing like I was before. Maybe not as crazy and wild as I was, but not depressed, boring 'a boy ruined my life' type of me. Somewhere inbetween would be awesome thanks.

Step 1: Get a new look

I can't have a fresh start looking like this. New wardrobe, new hair, new me.

Step 2: Make everyone regret unfriending you and then leave them! Suckers!

Step 3: Forget about the past and live now.

3 easy steps to get me through summer.

Bring it on!