"I swear, I would rather fist myself with ten cacti than take these exams, because even the excruciating pain of over 50 needles sliding up my anus that's the size of a froot loop will feel better than the anxiety of the preemptive failure that will come to pass" I tell my cousin Liza as I walk through Target. Suddenly I hear the voice of an elderly woman speaking to another woman about her age, "The vulgarity coming out of that young ladies mouth is appalling!" Well lady, I was raised in Georgia, we aren't exactly known for having the best manners. Yet and still, I turn around and give her the sweetest smile possible and say, "I'm sorry ma'am, did I ask for an opinion of yours? If you don't want to hear the absurd vulgarity that is my vocabulary, you can always butt out." And with a look that could kill, I return to my conversation.
"My bad, the reincarnation of Joan Rivers came to talk shit, you were saying?" "Oh, shit, for real. Haha, get rekt bitch. But back to my point, lets not do that...at all...that's called an episode of Untold Stories of the ER, and I don't think you want to face that type of embarrassment yet." Liza replied with caution, as if she's picturing the disaster happening already. "You're right," I sighed. "I'll just study, and it'll be fine."
"So when exactly are you gonna be on my side of the continent, I miss you so much?" I asked. I'd just recently moved from Atlanta to L.A for college, and while it was kicking my ass and I was considering dropping out and making money by becoming a successful stripper, I was enjoying the Cali life. "The day that I gain enough money to visit you for a week, is the day when-" "El Chapo is out of prison and eliminates Donald Trump, I know, I know. But you'd better call me on a regular to make up for it." I reply sounding dissappointed on the low. "Of course lovely! But I gotta go, I'll call back, promise." "Love you!" I say and press end.
That was the last time I heard from Liza. Until I got a notification from Wattpad asking me to make a wish. The thing is though, I've never been good at making wishes. So at first I entered, to get rid of my student loans, but I was like, nah, what if I meet someone famous and they pay it off like that Bill Gates story on tumblr. Then I put in, to wake up rich, but I was like what if I take a nap and all the money is gone and I'm broker than I was in the first place. So I guess Wattpad sensed my predicament and gave me a list of previously wished wishes. (If that makes sense)
1. Become richer than Donald Trump.
2. Deez Nuts
3. To become famous
4. To meet Beyonce
5. I wish all the fanfiction Harry's I've read were real.
6. Get dicked down by Niall Horan
Laughing at the 6th one, I jokingly pressed it. The screen froze for a bit and the question, Are you sure?, popped up. I pressed no (Because the thought would be nice, but how do I know it would be good dick.) and looked at my options. After 5 minutes of brain wrecking, I finally concluded my search for the wish that probably would be a virus, I pressed the 5th one, and selected I'm sure.
Then a hole swallowed me...whole.
YOU ARE READING
Her Effect One Shot!!
FanfictionHella excited to enter in this contest. I want to thank not only my mom and dad, but my parents for this opportunity. Hopefully you'll like it, if not, that's cool too. But yeah here it goes. -For Assassin.
