Like Sheaves Of Corn (#Wattys2016)

Sowing: Life

Dear diary,

I'm really tired right now, mom has been crying and so I don't really feel like being awake. I guess the divorce is finally taking its toll on her. She pretends like its not a big deal but I know it gets to her sometimes. I cant imagine what I'd do if the person I decided to spend my whole life with just decided to stop living theirs with me.

Even my brother picked up the fact that mom had been crying, he has not bothered me at all today.

I hear that divorce messes up kid's brains so I'm kinda worried about him. My mom just told us that dad would be leaving and that he had filed for divorce. She didn't explain much. I haven't seen dad in while...I miss him.

I haven't really asked my brother how he feels about it. Maybe I should...but then again, we are old enough to deal with this on our own. I'm turning 13 in a few days and he's 10, it's not like divorce is a big deal anyway. If mom and dad felt it was necessary to leave each other, I guess we should just respect that.
I want them both to be happy. We all deserve our own little fairytale even if you realise that you were in a fake one all this time.

And besides, isn't it up to mom and dad to take him to therapy or something?

Anyway, I had a good day despite all the negative energy flowing through this house. I read the day away and that's just how I like it.

I got a call from Karen , she was just saying hi but that was nice. Kit also texted me asking whether I wanted to meet up with him at the park or something. I totally chickened out and lied that I was busy.

I really wanted to chill with him but I was scared. What if someone saw us and told Ruth that I'm hanging out with her man at the park on a Saturday? That would be a date and I don't want to be labelled a man stealer.

Kit should just breakup with Ruth and then he should kiss me and maybe I'll be with him.

I wonder what it will feel like...my first kiss. I bet it's gonna be amazing. Do I even know how to kiss? Should I practice? Nah, it should come naturally if it's right.

When Kit tried to kiss me last week after church, I wasn't ready at all. He called me to the back of the church and he got real close, my back was pressed against the wall but the cold brick couldn't ease the heat or calm my heart.

I don't like it when people get too close to me so I pushed him away. He tsk'ed  and walked away. I was so embarrassed I stayed there for a while.

I thought he'd never want to talk to me again or that he'd think I'm immature or something.

I guess Kit is different. I like that about him. He's sweet.

I gotta sleep. Goodnight diary.