Moments like this

Broken

Silence.
He liked the silence.
He liked it until he realizes that it means that he is alone.
There was a silence when he was with her too, but it was different.
It was a warm silence, but this silence right now was cold.

It was only normal that she was not around.
Why should she?
He was working.
Doing emperor stuff.
She didn't want to disturb him.
Or she was just sleeping.

Maybe he should look after her.
She didn't seemed very pleased the last few weeks.
Yes, weeks.
He ignored it.
Thought that she just had a bad day like everyone has from time to time.
Later he was always working and therefore always postponed a talk with her.

With a look outside he decided that it was time to go to bed anyway.
She would be there.
Hopefully.
Sometimes she was not sleeping in their bed. She would sleep in her bed and with "her" he did not mean his wife. "Her" was his wife's best female friend, that she – his wife – called her wife.
So, his wife was officially married with him. He was her husband, but unofficially she also had a wife. It was just a joke, a play, but she loves it way too much.
Well, for him it was alright. The same could be said about "her" husband. Yes, the wife of his wife was also married. "Her" husband was a very kind man.

Slowly he laid down his pen and stood up.
Tired, he was so tired and he only realized it now.
Maybe he should look more after himself.

More asleep than awake he walked through the palace towards his bedroom, where his wife was waiting for him, hopefully.
And she did.
Well, that wasn't really correct. She was sleeping and therefore did not even notice that he was here now.
Silently he took off his cloths and changed into his bed robes.
Without waking her up, he tried to enter their bed, but he totally failed at doing so.
But at least he had tried.
After he lied down next to her, she slowly came closer until she was able to hug him.
She was cold, her skin was pale and she looked so unbelievable tired and sad.
His heart started to hurt just by looking at her.
It was his fault that she was in this shape. He should have taken better care of her! It was his fault!

Tenderly he put his arms around her. Embraced her.
Soft kisses found their way to her forehead.
With a hushed voice he told her how much he would love her. He hoped she would believe him – he could understand if she did not.

In all honesty, he liked moments like this, because they gave him the feeling that they – he and his wife – were getting closer to each other, that she loves him as much as he loves her. The cold inside of him would leave for a short time and let him feel the warmth of her body and her love. Moments like his felt so unreal the next day that he sometimes was wondering if they had really happened.
He liked moments like this, because it was their moment. Only theirs.

On the other hand, he did not like them at all, because moments like this meant that she was not alright!
She was sad!
She was broken!
And he did not care until it was too late!
Until she looked like this!
He was a horrible husband!

Moments like this made him realize that he had to learn so much more about life, about being alive, about being a husband, a human, about being responsible for someone.
Moments like this made him realize how broken people can be.