Moments like this

Cuddling

Normally he and his wife would sleep in different beds, in different rooms. Their marriage was not one out of love, it was a political one. After the wedding night they decided that it was the best for each of them to have their own room. His wife loved her freedom and own space and he was no different in this aspect. Later they spent a few nights together and felt asleep next to each other without knowing just to wake up while hugging the other one. They get used it each other. They started to grow feelings for the other one that were more than just "I am alright with this person" and slowly passing the "I like the other one". Back then he thought it would be great if they could be at least friends one day.

The reason why they decided to share a bed was always different. Sometimes they were just too lazy to leave for their own bed and sometimes they simply didn't want to be alone at night.
When they shared the bed he woke up in her arms most of the time.
His head was resting on her chest. At first he felt ashamed of himself. He should not do something like that. Therefore, he always pulled away from her and felt bad about himself. She was sleeping and not aware of his "crime". He should tell her and apologize, but he did not. One day when he woke up and tried to pull away she stopped him. She asked him, if he felt uncomfortable. She asked him, if he wanted to stay like this. She told him that it was fine with her.
And so he did not move away. He felt comfortable with her. She was warm. He could hear her heartbeat. She tenderly stroke through his hair. She smelt so good, she always did! Sometimes she also would hum a melody. He loved it.

Moments like this, in which he laid in her arms with his head on her chest, made him feel comfortable. It made him remember a time when everything was still alright for him. His father and brothers were still alive. His mother was loving him – or at least he that was what he thought back then – and everything was just alright. In the future, he would help his brothers to create a world without war – a dream he now disagreed with. He wanted a world without war, too, but the way his father and brothers tried to achieve this kind of world was what he disagreed with now.

When his fathers was not in the palace, he sometimes would sneak into his mothers and fathers bedroom and laid down next to his mother. He then would snuggle against her and she would softly stoke his hair and ask what was wrong.
In the past he sometimes had dreams about his brothers and his father dying on the battlefield or being murdered by an assassin. He knew that those dream were nothing but silly dreams – he even knew they were dreams when he had them – and still they sacred him – if we had known that one of those dream would came true ...
His mother would tell him then that those dream were just that and that nothing bad would happen to his family. Seldom, his older sister Hakuei would join them in bed.
He felt save, loved and happy back then.

From time to time he would also sneak into his big brother's bedroom. Hakuyuu was not so found of it, since Hakuryuu was old enough to sleep alone, but he never sent him away or said much about it – Hakuryuu was sure that Hakuyuu loved it to a certain degree. Hakuren on the other hand was very happy to get a visit from his younger brother. One night Hakuryuu and his siblings slept all together in Hakuyuu's bed – the reason why all of them even fit in was probably because Hakuei and he were still so small.
The memories of his family made him feel good and at the same time made him sad. It was all over. His father was dead. His brothers were dead. His mother was dead – and he had to realize that she always lied to him and never was the person he had thought she was. So not her death hurt him but the fact that everything was a lie. A huge part of his few years of peace were a lie!

Still, moment like this, in which he laid in his wife's arms with his head on her chest, able to hear her heartbeat, made him feel happy. A part of him were still found of these memories of the past – even when a part of him tells him that they were lies.
Such moments made him remember the feeling of love, the warmth of a family and the joy they could bring. The delight when the people one loved came back home. The joy of being able to talk to them and touch them – a joy that one would only realize after this possibility was gone.
His wife allowed him to feel all this wonderful feelings again and let him sink into a mix of dreams and memories. A place where everything was right – even when he now knew that his memories were partly a lie he was told.

At some point during their marriage he started to look forward to sleeping next to her, to spend the night with her and in the end wake up snuggled against her. She made him dream about a bright future with her at his side.

Moments like this made him came to peace for a little while and relax.